Marriage, home, society

Esther Tyson, Contributor

What is clear to me after serving as principal of a secondary school for 11 years is that students who come from stable home environments, with both mother and father who are involved in their children's development, generally do better academically, socially, emotionally and mentally than students who do not have this stable background. This is not to say there aren't students without these advantages who do not do well, but such students do not reflect the normal pattern.

The record of disciplinary infractions over the years reflects that many students who commit serious disciplinary breaches, usually with repeat offences, come from dysfunctional homes. Typically, there is no father figure, or if there is, the father is not seen by the child as being responsible. What is becoming common, however, is that there are more mothers who are having abusive relationships with the children. This abuse may be physical, verbal or emotional. The child ends up resenting the mother and takes out this anger at school on those around them.

In addition, there are many girls who resent their mothers for allowing them to be sexually molested without doing anything about it, or for expecting them to deal with it because they, the mothers, had gone through sexual abuse themselves when they were young. This picture is becoming so common it is frightening. Various kinds of abuses, in turn, result in the children abusing themselves or becoming abusers of others.

Dangerous practice of self-abuse

Self-abuse, or 'cutting', is being practised by teenagers more and more in Jamaica. Children learn this practice from TV shows. They begin this practice and then others copy them. The students will tell you that when they take a sharp pen or razor and cut themselves, that they find the pain easier to bear than the emotional pain they are experiencing - they feel a sense of release. This is a dangerous practice that parents need to watch out for. Parents with children who are displaying antisocial behaviour need to check their arms or thighs for scar marks which will indicate if they have been carrying out 'cutting'. More girls than boys tend to get involved in this practice. This is a practice that, if not checked, may lead to the next level: suicide.

According to Dr Donovan Thomas, research shows that a common underlying factor which leads to teenagers attempting suicide is the breakdown of the relationship between child and mother. When children feel rejected or abandoned by their mother, the results are usually devastating. Equally important is the role of the father in the development of the child's sense of identity, yet we live in a nation where so many children are without a relationship with their fathers. I commend the Government for implementing the naming of fathers on birth certificates. That, in itself, will not solve the problem of the irresponsible behaviour of some fathers, but it is certainly a beginning in the right direction.

A stable family environment is essential to the wholesome development of the child. Research has shown this over and over, yet as a society, we have been downplaying the role of marriage as the basis of a stable home environment. Contrary to commonly held views, I have seen no other workable alternative that has evolved or that has been proposed to form the foundation of the family unit.

Marriage represents a legal commitment, and this is necessary to provide a safe place for the development of the family unit. Statistics show that the single mother oftentimes ends up being poorer than the married woman, and that her children end up being deprived of essential provisions because of this. This reality creates a vicious cycle, which we see being played out over and over again in this society.

In order for our society to be productive, we need to have secure home environments created to rear our children. The accepted norm of man a 'dawg' and has 'gyal in a bungle' has to change. The practice of women moving from one babyfather to another for financial gain has to change. It is these cultural norms which are producing children who are insecure, abused, destabilised and marginalised. These children grow up to be adults who have warped personalities, and who, in turn, become involved in irresponsible sexual behaviour which sometimes results in children being born who are then abused. This cycle needs to be broken if our society must become stable. Stable families produce stable societies.

Greater intervention needed

I think it is time that corporate entities that spend their funds on activities which are not promoting wholesome lifestyles begin to look at funding programmes, which the Ministry of Health could produce, that educate our people on positive family life. There are a few being done, but there needs to be greater promotion of such programmes through the audio-visual media. Our people are generally not interested in reading and are keener to listen and watch. Therefore, we must communicate the vital message of responsible family life and values through these means.

Our corporate bodies should realise that it makes good financial sense. A society developing individuals with positive values and attitudes will also be shaping better workers and thinkers. This means that the cadre of grounded, emotionally intelligent individuals from which to gain employees will widen.

There is a point which I need to interject. I listened to one of the presenters at the International Conference on Education for CARICOM Countries highlight that research shows that countries where civility is part of the cultural norm are the wealthiest nations. In Jamaica, we are experiencing a paucity of civility. The teaching of civility begins in a stable home environment where good manners will not only be taught, but also caught.

Esther Tyson is principal of Ardenne High School. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.