Doctor's ADVICE: Should I tell my fiancé it's not his baby?

Q. I am female, and engaged to be married at the end of this year. I am six weeks pregnant, and my fiancé is really happy about that.

But, unfortunately, Doc, he is not the father of the baby. Is there any way that he could find out about that when the baby is born?

A. This is a real difficult situation. Your fiancé probably will not realise that he is not the baby's father unless, of course, the child looks very unlike him.

However, if for any reason he decides to check the paternity of the baby by DNA testing, your secret would be revealed. And, if he has any suspicion that you have been unfaithful to him, he might perhaps ask for such a test.

I must say that what you are doing to him is really unfair. To pretend that the baby is his, when it is really some other guy's, is deceitful and dishonest. It could also involve you in legal troubles if the truth ever gets out. Please reconsider what you are doing.

Looking for sexual magic

Q. I have been told that if I take a vasectomy, that will improve my sex life. Is this true?

A.  No. Vasectomy makes a guy sterile, but it does not have any magic effects on the sex life.

To blow or not to blow ...

Q. I am a virgin, aged 19. I have a boyfriend, and he says he loves me.

I do not want to have full sex just yet because I do not feel ready for that. However, my boyfriend is now asking me to give him oral sex, which is what I think they call a blow job. But can there be any dangers to my health if I agreed?

A. Giving oral sex to a guy is called fellatio. Not everyone likes it, but a great many young couples go in for it. The good thing about it is that it carries virtually no risk of pregnancy. It can pass on infections such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea, but if your boyfriend does not have such an infection, then you have no need to fret about that.

There is one other health issue. It is now thought that oral sex may give some women human papillomavirus (HPV) in the throat. And in the long term, that might lead to cancer of the throat area.

Nevertheless, a lot of people do find fellatio a satisfying form of petting, especially if they do not want to run the risk of having intercourse.

One final word of warning: you use the expression blow job. While that phrase is in common use, the truth is that under no circumstances do people actually blow during oral sex. To do so would blast germs into the guy's sex organs, and that could be real dangerous.

Fearful of the vagina

Q. I am a guy of 20, and I have never had sex. This is because I am fearful about it. Please do not laugh at me, doctor, but when I was small, someone told me that the penis could get hurt when it is inside the vagina. Is this really true?

A. No, that is just one of those foolish myths which have grown up around the subject of sex. For example, I was once consulted by a teenage boy who thought women had teeth inside the vagina!

Please be assured that having sex is not going to injure you in any way. I think that you need some help in getting over your fear of women, and so I suggest that you have a few sessions with a good counsellor who deals with young people's problems.

Why go 'mini'?

Q. My doctor has suggested that I go on the mini-Pill. But what is this, please? And will it affect my sex life?

A. The mini-Pill is milder than the ordinary Pill, because it contains only one hormone instead of two. So it is less likely to cause serious side effects.

You have to take it every single day without any breaks. And it has a slightly higher failure rate than the ordinary Pill. But it will not affect your sex life.

Double the fun?

Q. I am engaged to a wonderful girl. We are both 21. We are real happy together.

My best friend also has a real pretty girlfriend, and they have suggested to me that we should swap some time. Their idea is that the four of us should go somewhere nice and quiet, and that I should then have sex with the other girl. Meanwhile, my friend would have sexual intercourse with my fiancée. Probably we would watch each other. I must admit that the idea is kind of exciting, Doc. But what do you think?

A. I think this idea is absolutely crazy, for the following reasons:

Your pal might get your fiancée pregnant;

You might get his girlfriend pregnant;

Any of you might catch a sexually transmitted infection (STI), of which the likeliest is chlamydia;

The psychological consequences could be serious.

Let me just explain that last point. I have seen quite a few couples who went in for swapping, often with disastrous psychological results. It is common to feel extremely guilty afterwards. People who have swapped are quite likely to fall in love with the 'wrong' partner. Females sometimes develop lesbian attachments to the other girl as a result of swapping.

I saw one young woman who became real depressed because she was so upset at watching her guy penetrating another woman.

Also, males are liable to get extremely jealous when they have tried swapping, particularly if they decide that the other guy is bigger or a better lover.

So please do not spoil what you have with your loving fiancée. Just tell your friend: "No way!"

What's growing there?

Q. I am 19, and the other night my boyfriend was kissing my breast when he suddenly said: 'Hey! There's something growing out of it.'

It was true, Doc. There is a thin, brown projection, sticking out from the area around my nipple. It is maybe half an inch long. Fortunately, it does not pain me.

Do you think this could be breast cancer?

A. No, I do not. Breast cancer is incredibly rare at your age. You describe a slim, brownish projection, protruding from the areola, which is the 'disc' around the nipple.

I predict that this is a benign (i.e. harmless) breast papilloma. A papilloma is a little fleshy projection of tissue, usually caused from a virus.

Please see a doctor, so she can check out this tiny projection. Probably, she will be able to remove it for you.

Bloody concern

Q. I am a guy of 21, and last month I had sex with a girl for the first time. Today, I noticed that there was bright, red blood on the toilet paper!

Is there any connection, Doc?

A. No, there is not. In a young man, bleeding while going out is nearly always due to piles (haemorrhoids). You should have a rectal examination from a doctor who will, I am sure, confirm that this is the case. You have nothing to fret about.

Email questions for Doc to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com.