Let's talk LIFE: Divorce causing her to be bitter

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Gleaner Writer

Dear Counsellor,

My sister is going through a divorce, and has become very bitter and angry. She is angry towards everyone and her three children are suffering. I would like to help her.

- Maureen

Dear Maureen,

Divorce is one of the most traumatic and stressful situation to be experienced by humans. Divorce is adversarial and both parties are very angry towards each other. The children are usually caught in the middle of the chaos. You will need to be very supportive towards your sister and her children. You will need to listen often as she ventilate about her problems. This can be rather stressful for you, so you may need to have her see a counsellor who can help her through this stage of her life. The children are also in need of therapy and should see a therapist.

Many books have been written on the effect of divorce on families, especially the children. A book has been released by two Jamaicans, Pauline Milbourn and Audrey Pottinger - Caught in the Middle. This book makes for easy reading about the effects of divorce on children, and what can be done to ease the pain. It is available in the bookshops. Help is available in the Jamaica as you can find a counsellor, a psychologist or a psychiatrist to suit your needs.

You may need to help your sister with babysitting duties if the children are young. You are the shoulders that she will lean on. Are there other sisters or brothers who can be called on to help your sister?

Tips for a a successful marriage

Dear Counsellor,

I will be getting married later this year, and would like some tips for a successful marriage.

- Althea

Dear Althea,

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and should not be taken lightly. Relationships are important and should be accorded the respect that they deserved. As life goes on, people change in terms of their behaviour and outlook. You will need to grow together or else you will grow apart. Improve yourself both academically and professionally and strive for excellence in your endeavours. Spend time together and share experiences. Manage your money well and save for retirement. Make your plans, but be prepared to make changes as you go along. Reminisce about pleasant memories of the distant past. Remember when you first met and what has happen since.

Treat each other with respect and kindness. Give each other gifts randomly and pray together at times. Decide on the number of children that you would like to have. Try to live peaceful with each other. Grievous words stir up anger.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.