Let's talk life - What's different about boys?

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

• What's different about boys?

Dear Counsellor:

I am married and would like to have children, especially boys. Are there any differences between boys and girls apart from the physical features?

- Marcia

Dear Marcia:

Parents will tell you that raising children is the greatest thing that a human could do. Many infertile couples will tell you about the anguish that they feel in their quest to have children. Boys are different from girls, but they need tender loving care just like girls. Boys need plenty hugs and tenderness. When they become adolescents, they now need private hugs.

We all need love and attention. Boys like to play a lot and parents and teachers have to ensure that chores and schoolwork are done. Their temperaments will vary, and the parents will just have to do the best that they can. Boys need to be exposed to the varied co-curricular activities so that a favourite activity can be found. Sporting activities are good, as well as the various clubs.

We need to foster the desire to read so that they become proficient in reading, writing and math. Sometimes the boys will need academic assessment to determine their weaknesses and strengths. Boys need to have good interpersonal skills and need to be in touch with their feelings. These days, we speak of the different types of intelligence and we need to find their strengths.

Find meaning to life

Faith-based activities are important. We all need purpose and meaning to life. We need a rock to lean on in good times and bad times. Boys need to belong to a group, and so parents have to find good activities for them. These days, boys spend a lot of time on the computer listening to music and talking to their friends. Some of this time is best spent reading a book. Parents will have to ensure that their sons have balanced lives and can be independent as adults. The role of family is important, especially fathers and mothers.

Adult males are role models for boys who will become the adults in the future. The relationship between mother and son is very important as it sets the stage for future male-female interactions.

• Coping with sudden deaths

Dear Counsellor:

I am in shock, as two of my friends died suddenly in a car accident. I keep reliving our last moments together, and think that if I was travelling with them, I also would have died. I am numb and have difficulty sleeping.

- Sarah

Dear Sarah:

Sudden death is traumatic for individuals and people have difficulty coping. If the individuals are close family, the pain is very severe. Some people develop post-traumatic stress reaction and/or depression. You may have survivor's guilt because you are alive and your friends have died. Talk to a close friend or your parents or sibling.

You can speak to your doctor about your sleep problem and he may prescribe some sleep aid.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com, or call 978-8602.