Politically correct?

In the fantasy land of Apocrypha, two lawyers named Ranthird Brayman and U.P. Chuck were appointed attorney general (AG) and justice minister, respectively.

Immediately, R.U. Shaw (real initials G.B.S. but when asked, "Are you Shaw?" replied "I'm not sure of anything") and Ohma D'unn (like a moon, bright only in the dark) met to bemoan too many lawyers in Government. For more on these characters, see 'The Essence of Logic': March 9, 2010.

A powerful lobby group called Justice Against Centralised Appeal Systems (JACAS) had persistently pressured Government to keep the Private Court (PC) as Apocrypha's final appeal court. Government passed a law replacing the PC with a Centralised Court of Justice (CCJ). JACAS simply asked the PC to protect its own status, and PC obliged by overturning the law. "Well, one t'ing me know," R.U. consoled himself, "dem nah bring in no CCJ."

"Why not?" asked Ohma.

"Because U.P. no like hanging."

"What about Ranthird?" Ohma mused. "Him a part-time preacher, you know."

"Yu mad?" blustered R.U., "Don't yu know preacher man believe in eye fe eye? Trust me, dem two nah bring no CCJ."

As it happened, Ranthird and U.P. both patronised the same auto mechanic, a former blacksmith named Wheelbert Parkes. Hard work and thrift had permitted Wheelbert to achieve his lifetime goal of providing his three daughters with full education. Serendipitously, Ranthird and U.P. arrived at Wheelbert's establishment simultaneously. While awaiting service, they spoke of many things, eventually the PC. "Thank God for JACAS," said U.P. "Since we win that case in 2005, nobody can't mek we abolish PC."

Wheelbert couldn't help overhearing. "What case, sah?"

Ranthird explained, "Wheelbert, in a 2005 appeal, PC ordered us not to change until we constitutionally entrench any replacement."

Wheelbert was momentarily thoughtful. "But, Missa Brayman, why we haffe do dat?"

U.P. intervened. "Yu don't see? If we don't protect our judges from political interference, any communist prime minister can tell dem wha' fe do. Dat's dangerous."

"But de PM no communist. An', boss, you reelly t'ink we 'ave nobody can stan' up to dutty communist?"

"No, Wheelbert. But, if dem constitutionally entrench, dem can stand up to any politician."

"OK. So, if politician don't pass a law sey judge safe from politician, judge will do wrong t'ru dem 'fraid?"

"Exactly."

"Boss, tell me sump'n, PC entrench?"

"No."

"Dem no 'fraid too?"

"No, Wheelbert." U.P.'s exasperation showed. "PC judges are foreigners. No fluxy local politician can't tell dem nutten."

"So, t'ru dem is farriner, dem no 'fraid?"

"Exactly, they don't care about politics, only what's right."

"But, Boss," said Wheelbert, looking confused, "don't CCJ judge is farriner too?"

"Some. But, some will be Apocryphans. Anyway, yu can't depend on dem like yu can de British."

"Ah. So is our judges we can't trust? But, Boss, if we can't trust dem to stand up to politician without dem inna Canstitution, why trust dem when dem inna Canstitution and can't lose de work?"

Ranthird tried to explain. "It's not a matter of trust. Citizens must decide in a referendum."

"Referandum? Wha' dat?"

"Like an election," Ranthird explained, "people will vote for PC or CCJ."

U.P. jumped in. "An' you must vote for the PC!"

"But, Boss, me t'ink yu did sey yu want to protect de local judge. But is like yu no want local judge at all."

"CCJ will come in good time, Wheelbert. But not before we ready. Look at our courts now. No case try fe years and de whole place ramshackle."

"Boss, when we a go ready?"

"Not now."

"Tell me, Boss, we did ready to start our own banks? Police force? Schools?"

"No, sir. You no see de banks collapse? Everyt'ing crash."

"So, why start anything? Boss, me nah vote in no referandum unless is about what after PC. Me no believe PC better dan we."

"Wheelbert, you unreasonable." U.P. became agitated. "Remember de big picture. We haffe keep Ohma Party in Opposition. We can't do what dem want. I thought you was a practical man. Don't you used to shoe horses?"

"No, sah. But me did tell a donkey to eff off once. And I'll do it again. My second daughter work as lawyer in the AG's office. Is she teach me what me talk today. She want to be a judge. Maybe one day she might sit on the CCJ. So, Boss, when yu sey we can't trust our judges, is my dawta yu a throw wud pon. So tek yu car and lef' mi shop!"

Peace and love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.