How sexy are you?

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

What does it mean to be sexually attractive? You may classify someone as sexy because you feel a sexual sense of connection when you see the person. According to Tommy, who is always on the prowl for a new sexual liaison, "you cannot miss a sexy girl when you see her - she just stimulates your sexual desire - her body is just right even if she is plump and she dresses suggestively to stimulate your imagination, not being half-naked - and she is pleasant enough for you to want to stay by her side."

For Andrea, "a sexy guy to me is one who has a good body, no flabs and 'big belly' and proportionate body to height - with cleanliness from head to toe - manicured nails, well-kept facial hair and great teeth - all these factors should make it enticing to want to go to bed with him".

Sexy means different things to different people and they say "sexiness is in the eye of the beholder". People looking on may wonder what is it that you see in a person who you are sexually attracted to.Sexiness usually goes beyond simply liking the other person but includes the desire for physical intimacy.

Similar attitudes

Where there is sexual attraction, it can bring two people together physically. This includes similar attitudes which bring people together. Other factors in approach behaviour for sexual attraction that brings people together include similarity and physical attractiveness. When there is reciprocity of positive reactions, verbally or non-verbally, the relationship is strengthened. This will lead some people to resort to flattery as the desire to be together is triggered. On the contrary, there may be hostile spats which endanger the relationship from getting intense.

There are several components to sexiness for sexual attraction to take place (Singer).

Aesthetic response

This is the first stage which is based on physical attraction, including the other person's face, physique, smile, voice among other things. This is how attractiveness is equated with sexiness. Decisions are made about the sex appeal of another person based on factors that do not count as 'sexy'. These include:

- Obesity

- Bulging, muscular appearance

- Facial hair

- Sloppy appearance

- Naivety about sex.

If you are dating and you are turned down by a prospective partner, you should examine the factors above to see how they may be a turn-off for the other person.

The approach response

This is the second phase after the initial impression when you want to get physically close to the person to whom you are attracted. You would ensure you do all the things to make your prospect feel appreciated - flowers, dining out, a home- cooked meal, holding the door, being gracious by saying 'please' and 'thank you'. Try and show that you have class and if you are not sure how to conduct yourself, ask your friends, check with experts or use the Internet.

The genital response

Genital response is the third stage and includes levels of excitement culminating in orgasm and release of built-up tension. The sexual response cycle includes phases from desire to excitement to orgasm and the resolution phase. You should wait a while before you get to this phase, taking time to get to know your potential partner as much as possible and establishing a friendship.

Be careful of one-night stands where after sex you may not hear from that person again. Women do shake men down in one-night stands too! Sexual attractiveness should lead to initial friendships where you evaluate traits and attitudes positively to determine if you should become intimately involved.

Inherited traits

Certain reproductive traits are inherited in the human species leading some theorists to believe that there is a biological angle on sexual attraction. They believe that humans unconsciously select mates primarily to improve their chances of reproducing offspring close to the parents as possible. This is the natural reproductive approach among lower animals which rely heavily on the sense of smell through the overwhelming power of sexual pheromones which have been mimicked into perfume, aftershave lotions and other cosmetic products which smell like flowers, lemons and musk which increase sexual attractiveness.

Very often, potential partners in trying to improve their chances of clinching sexual attractiveness will resort to the use of natural, animal-like products hoping to get it on naturally as the lower animals do. Sexual attraction is a complex phenomenon and whatever aspect that will work for you is worth a try. It could lead to the love of your life.

Send comments and questions toheatherl@cwjamaica.com