'Hands-free' ATM

I was standing near a wooden utility pole on a busy downtown street when I heard the sound. I ignored it.

Psst.

There it was again. I looked to my left. Standing there was a short, plump woman wearing a yellow and red dress, and slippers. She was sweating heavily and had a mole on her nose. Next to her was a skinny fellow in short pants and a pair of worn-down shoes. They were looking right at me. "Me?" I asked.

The woman nodded and walked over. She had a pronounced limp.

"Ay, hello," she said.

I was about to return the greeting, when she cut me off.

"Beg yuh see ef yuh can call up di machine deh fi me," she said, pointing behind me to an ATM. The ATM was inside a little room built on the side of a building.

I looked at her and the skinny fellow. They seemed harmless enough.

"Mi try wid it but no money not coming out," said the woman, holding up a card.

"Mi nuh know ef mi do it right and dat deh one deh nuh know weh him ah do," she said, rolling her eyes. The man grinned.

I decided to see what I could do to help so I took the card from her and walked over to the ATM.

I went inside the tiny room followed closely by the woman and her droopy-eyed companion. I soon realised that the room really was meant for one person at a time.

The woman, in an apparent attempt to stay as far from her companion as possible, opted to get closer to me. The man clearly had other plans, as every step she took away, he would take two towards her. This left the woman and I in near embrace.

Now, normally I wouldn't have been bothered by this temporary invasion of my personal space but, in this instance, I was uncomfortable. You see, the woman, though pleasant-faced, was a serious mouth-breather, who, it appeared was troubled with a bout of wheezing.

Hee-hoo! I asked if she was alright.

"Yeah man," she said, casually.

I inserted the card in the appointed slot.

Beep! A prompt appeared on the screen. I told the pair that they should enter their personal identification number.

They looked at me, then at each other. Silence.

I asked if they forgot the number.

"Number?" said the man. I nodded.

"Awoh!" he exclaimed, then dipped into the pocket of his short pants. From it, he retrieved a tiny piece of paper, neatly folded. He glanced at the door, then at the woman before offering it to me. I suggested he enter the digits himself.

The woman spoke up.

"Sar, just please to do it. Him nuh know wah him ah do," she said, rolling her eyes again.

I looked at the man, who surely must have been offended by the comment. He grinned heartily, but said nothing.

The woman turned to look at him, the sudden swing of her body sending her ample nether region crashing forcefully onto my thigh.

Eager to get out of there, I took the paper and entered the numbers.

The woman told me the amount of money she wanted to withdraw and I followed her direction. Soon, the deed was done and I handed her the cash and card. She smiled, folded the money and stuck it and the card somewhere under her blouse. I had looked away the second I saw her hand heading in that direction.

Quickly, I stepped out of the room, holding the door open for the woman and her companion. "Alright, mi friend," she said. The man grinned. I waved goodbye.

As the pair walked away, I could hear the woman say to the man: "Ah ongle hope yuh watch di man and know what to do next time. Mi nuh know what yuh good fah."

The man grinned.

Where should Robert go next? Let him know at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com