Planning parenthood

The trouble with raising children is it's a full-time job. Modern preference for political correctness encouraged by the oxymoronic 'Women's Liberation' Movement (when have women EVER been the captive gender?) promotes the view that both parents must somehow be able to pursue other full-time careers. Just like the fable that the stork causes babies, we know that's poppycock!

But, these days, putative parents must have it all. Consequently, the job description's parenting clause is never prioritised. That unimportant nuisance task is left to nannies, cable TV, the Internet and the occasional visiting grandparent. The result has been a seismic shift in societal values as so-called 'parents' spend less time at home and, when they do, they're 'too tired' to spend time teaching children values they learned from their parents.

One thing never changes: Children want to be just like their parents.

"My child arrived just the other day.

He came to the world in the usual way.

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay.

He learned to walk while I was away.

And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,

he'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad.

You know I'm gonna be like you."

But, what are parents like? Do they prioritise work-related meetings with 'important clients'? Are they fêted at lunch by VIPs, then bring home fast food for children's supper? Do they work late and then, tired and stressed, pray for the children to be asleep when they get home?

"My son turned 10 just the other day

He said, 'Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on, let's play.

Can you teach me to throw?' I said, 'Not today,

I got a lot to do." He said, 'That's OK.'

And he walked away but his smile never dimmed

And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah

You know, I'm gonna be like him."

Do children learn about life from cartoons and fairy tales, or from parents?

"And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man on the moon.

When you comin' home, Dad?

I don't know when, but we'll get together then, son.

You know we'll have a good time then."

Parents struggle to stay on life's treadmill, fighting to make ends meet and budgeting for expensive schools and colleges where children learn values from other similarly spoiled, yet neglected children.

"Well, he came home from college just the other day

So much like a man I just had to say,

'Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?'

He shook his head and said with a smile,

'What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys.

See you later, can I have them, please?'"

Perhaps the misnomer 'fatherhood' deludes men into believing that their contribution ends at conception. Career-oriented mothers are just as selfish, placing personal goals above chosen responsibilities. When the effect of their neglect dawns on both parents, it's usually too late.

"I've long since retired, my son's moved away

I called him up just the other day.

I said, 'I'd like to see you if you don't mind'

He said, 'I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time.

You see, my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu

But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad.

It's been sure nice talking to you.'

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me.

My boy was just like me."

Jamaican parents can learn from Harry Chapin's profound lyrics. Spiritually-based philosophy proposes children be raised by family or community elders. The premise is, childbearing age comes long before the maturity and expertise required for successful child rearing. In many tribal cultures (frowned upon by 'civilisation' as 'backward'), children are weaned from their birth parents and reared by the tribe's elders.

As sound a philosophy as that might be, it's unlikely ever to be popular in modern Jamaica. Since 1997, I've tried the next best. The Old Ball and Chain's noisy brood were 14, 11 and 4 when I retired from the rat race (a race you can't win unless you're a rat) and started working from home on matters not involving plenty distance or time. My income is down, but I know who our children really are and they definitely know me, never failing to inform, in no uncertain terms, exactly what they think of me. I like it that way.

Peace and love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.