DOCTOR'S ADVICE: What's wrong with my husband?

What's wrong with my husband?

Q Doctor, could you help my husband and I? We have been happily married for many years, and until recently, our sex life was marvellous. He was wonderful in bed and always took great care to satisfy me. He is a good man and works very hard.

But in the last few months, something has changed. Don't get me wrong, he has not lost his nature and he can still have intercourse with me.

But the trouble is that he doesn't seem able to reach an orgasm easily. He will have sex with me for maybe 10 minutes, but will then say 'I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm going to make it'. Then he kind of 'goes soft', so he gives up and rolls over.

What is going on, Doctor? Is it that he no longer finds me attractive?

We have had a good, long talk about this problem, and he assures me that he still loves me and wants to orgasm. But he says that often he can't. He has been wondering if Viagra would help him. What do you think?

A. Sorry to hear about all this. The Americans have done a lot of research on 'sex and the older male', and what they found is this:

Orgasm needs a lot energy;

A lot of men who are over 40 do have some difficulty in orgasming;

This difficulty increases when they are tired or worried.

I feel that you can forget the idea that your husband no longer finds you attractive. The poor man obviously loves you and I am sure he regards you as very desirable. It's simply that he finds it difficult to orgasm these days.

I strongly recommend that he gets more rest. Also, he should see his doctor and have a complete check-up - particularly to find out if he is diabetic.

As to your question about Viagra, I think it would be a good idea for him to try it. Viagra doesn't actually have any effect on orgasm. But it would provide your husband with a good, long-lasting erection, so that he could go on for as long as you both want - an hour or more if necessary. This would give him a much better chance of reaching a climax. Good luck to you both.

Q. I am a 27-year-old male and you may find this hard to believe, but I am a virgin. Now, I have fallen in love with a wonderful woman, and I intend to marry her.

But one thing is worrying me. I know nothing about sex, and I have no idea what sexual intercourse will be like. As this will be the first time, I would like you to tell me if it will hurt.

A. It's time you learnt the basic facts about sex. I suggest you get yourself a good book on the subject.

However, I can assure you that you have no need to worry. There is no reason at all why intercourse would cause you any pain.

Q. Doctor, I would like your advice on my wife who seems to be a woman that is 'out of love'.

I am 37, and have been married for 10 years now. My wife and I have children. Recently, she doesn't want to sleep with me at all. For six months I have not had sex with her.

Now, she is saying that it is all because I am strict with raising our children, and because she really can't get to do what she used to before. So I am wondering if she really doesn't love me any more?

We have been to a marriage counsellor but afterwards, she went right back to doing the same thing as before, being distant and not wanting to have sex with me at all. I'm at my wits' end.

A. I am really sorry to hear about this sad and painful situation. I think your only hope is to go back to the marriage counsellor with your wife, and have several more sessions to see if anything can be done.

Sounds like a lot of this trouble came out of disagreements over your children. Maybe some compromise can be achieved, especially if you could become less strict?

But to be blunt, I suspect that you may be correct in your suspicion that your wife has fallen out of love with you. Sadly, it may be that she wants to end this marriage.

I wish you both well. But on one final note, what is going on in your household could be very damaging to your children. Please try to protect them from the trouble between you and your wife.

Q. I am 34-year-old and I have very heavy menses, which have made me anaemic. Would Mirena coil help me?

A Almost certainly, though it might take a few months to reduce the menstrual flow to a more reasonable level.

In the meantime, you must get your anaemia treated. I presume that your own doctor has done a blood test, and I hope she is giving you iron in order to strengthen your blood.

QWhy is it that some women can't climax, no matter how good the man is? Is something wrong with them?

And is it possible to get some medication for this?

A. I presume you are a man, though your email does not say so. Maybe you don't appreciate that female orgasm is generally more difficult to achieve than male orgasm is.

You talk about the man being good in bed, and I suspect that you believe that you yourself are good. Yet, it sounds as though you have encountered some women who did not discharge when you tried to make them do so.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you were not successful. Did you perhaps fail to create a loving and romantic atmosphere in which these women felt relaxed and happy? Did you put them under too much pressure to have an orgasm? I am only speculating. But possibly you should revise your attitude to women.

Finally, I am afraid that there is as no medication that will make women orgasm. The pharmaceutical companies are working on it, but its still a long way off.

Q. I am 37, and have never used internal sanitary protection. Would it be safe to start employing it at my age? And are there any precautions I should take?

A There is absolutely no reason why a woman in her 30s should not start using tampons.

As to precautions, the most important thing for women of all ages to remember is that the hands must always be extremely clean when the device is put in, and also when it is taken out.

Send feedback/questions to; editor@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.