Head over heals in love. But...

Q. Good day, Doctor. I hope you will be able to advise me about my new boyfriend. I met him in Negril three months ago. He is half-French and from Paris. He is a wonderful man and I must say that I have fallen head over heels in love with him. He loves me, and wants to marry me.

He is a very skilled lover and does a number of very exciting things that I have never experienced before. He has given me a lot of pleasure.

He is also a very successful businessman, and he seems to have investments and property all over the world, particularly in France. I am hoping he will take me there soon.

Now I am happy to go along with most of the things he wants to do in bed because they make me feel so good. But one night we had a few glasses of wine, and we were talking about things we might do in the future. And he said: "I would certainly like to take you to the sex clubs one day."

I was so surprised that I did not reply. In fact, I am wondering if he was joking. I do not even know what a 'sex club' is.

What do you think, Doctor?

A. Well, I suppose I should congratulate you on finding such a man and forming what appears to be a good relationship with him. However, I think you are right to be very wary of this mention of 'sex clubs'.

I am not sure whether he was talking about some sort of club which he has found in Jamaica. But I feel it is more likely that he meant the sex clubs of his native city.

And I must warn you 'les sex clubs' of Paris are pretty notorious throughout the world. They are elegant, sophisticated and expensive, but what goes on there can be very dangerous.

Essentially, these French clubs are for swingers, and if you went there it would be difficult to avoid being asked to have sex with a number of men - and women. Some female guests are asked to put on a blindfold and then 'perform' with various unseen partners.

So there would, of course, be a considerable risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.

However, I suppose it is possible to go as a 'spectator', and not get physically involved.

Nevertheless, I feel it is quite extraordinary that this man who says that he loves you is suggesting taking you to places where you would almost certainly be asked to have intercourse with other people. I wonder if he is all that he seems.

Let us hope that he was joking about these sex clubs. But I feel that you must sit down with him and have a serious talk about what he really means. Do not commit yourself to marriage until this has been sorted out.

Q. Doctor, I have been married to my wife for 15 years now. To tell you the truth, sex has become a little boring. I think she feels the same way.

I certainly do not wish to be unfaithful to her. But I am wondering if there is something we could do in order to make our physical relationship more exciting.

For instance, is there any medication we could both take, like Viagra?

A. It is common for couples who have been married for some time to feel a little bored with their sex lives. But there is no medication that will cure that. Viagra would be useless as it has no effect on the mind - only on the male organ.

However, there is a lot that you and your wife could do in order to spice things up. Sexologists generally suggest the following:

Try different positions - you can find dozens of them on the Internet;

Try having sex in unusual places, like in the shower or perhaps in your car;

Try 'dressing up' for sex - for example, as a cowboy and cowgirl!

Attempt a little 'role play', which means doing things like recreating the love affairs of famous people in history;

Use sex toys - these can make a a lot of difference, particularly for the mature woman.

I wish you well in reinvigorating your sex life. If you want further advice, the American women's magazine Redbook has produced some useful guidance on this subject. You can find it at www.redbookmag.com.

Q. My husband has the sickle-cell trait. Could he safely use Viagra?

AYes. Men who only have the sickle-cell trait can safely take this drug. But anyone who has sickle-cell disease should check with their doctor first.

QHello, Doctor. I am 30 years old and have been on the Pill called 'Diane 35' for six years. Honestly, I have the best pain-free period on this brand.

But I have noticed that my menses are now light, lasting only from Thursday till Tuesday. Is there something wrong?

ANo. The fact that the Pill makes your menses light is good. That will help protect you from anaemia (weak blood).

But I am not quite sure why you are on Diane 35, which is mainly for women who have skin problems, like spots. If you don't have any skin problems, please ask your doctor whether a milder Pill might be a good idea.

QHaving been circumcised against my will when I was young, I wish I now had a foreskin. Would it be OK to hang weights on the penile skin, as I have heard, to make it stretch?

APlease do not try this technique. It could be dangerous. It is possible that a plastic surgeon could create a new foreskin for you, though that would be very expensive. Ask a doctor to take a look at you to see if that might be possible.

QI am in my 20s, and I have been having a very serious problem for several years. Every few months, a painful swelling develops at the opening of my vagina. It lasts for around four days, and then it bursts, so that fluid (with a bad odour) runs out.

I am afraid to go to the doctor because of what I might find out.

AWell, I suspect that you are getting a condition called 'Bartholin's cyst', which is a kind of recurrent abscess that affects quite a few women. If so, you need antibiotic therapy, and probably a very small operation.

To avoid consulting a doctor is crazy! You need medical help now! Please do not go on taking risks with your health.

QI have been trying to get pregnant for three months. My periods are regular.

Could I now go on a fertility pill? And how soon would that get me pregnant?

AFertility drugs are not magical, and they do not work for everyone. But three months is not very long, so I feel you should keep trying for another four to five months before you need to consult a doctor. Good luck with becoming pregnant.

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