Women's excessive craving for sex

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

In responding to a recent Outlook article on sexual activity among women over the age of 40, a reader wrote and asked for an explanation as to why she was feeling the way she did as she reached that age.

"I have found that since I turned 40, I have a constant desire for sex, for having it as often as my partner can keep up. I am wondering if I have become a nymphomania. I am worried about my sex life as in my quest to get sexual satisfaction, I am cheating on my partner who is finding it difficult to keep up with me. I will have men over to my house when my partner is away and I know that it is dangerous, and my partner who has a bad temper could kill me!"

This woman's insatiable appetite for sex could be the expression of latent nymphomaniac tendencies. If there are changes in a woman's life to bring her new found freedom, she may have more desire to explore and satisfy her sexual desires. A nymphomaniac is also called 'nympho' and the term nymphomania is also known as hyperphilia and idiosyncrat. In recent times, the word nymphomania is used loosely to describe women with multiple sex partners and a strong desire for sex that even the women themselves cannot understand.

The term 'nymphomaniac' or 'nympho' is no longer recognised in the medical world. According to health.discovery.com, "the term is not scientifically meaningful simply because there are no specific criteria that would define a nymphomaniac. In other words, how would researchers determine how much sexual desire or activity is too much".

It is recommended that you refer to a person whose sex drive is obsessively high as 'hypersexual' or they may also be referred to as having a sexual addiction.

Noted sex researcher Dr Alfred Kinsey describes a nymphomaniac as "someone who has more sex than you". Urbandictionary.com defines a nymphomaniac as "a horny girl, not to be confused with slut or skank where one's sexual self-esteem is low". Nymphomania is simply related to an abnormally high sex drive and the number of persons who are sexually addicted is relatively low (allpscyh.com).

Victorian era

Reference to nymphomania as a mental illness may have arisen from Victorian times when women were cultured to repress their sexual feelings, so any sexual expression that was more than the ordinary could be viewed as mental instability. If women are unable to form lasting bonds with a lover, they may become depressed and seek comfort through excessive sexual indulgence. Any sign of excessive sexual indulgence may indicate that a woman was dangerously close to the edge of sexual insanity.

Many Victorian era mental institutions treated nymphomania as an exclusively female mental illness. Women were classified as mentally ill and a nymphomania if they were a victim of sexual assault, bore illegitimate children, "abused themselves" (that is, masturbated), or were considered promiscuous. The book Nymphomania, A History by Carol Groneman describes how Victorian doctors feared that "eating rich food, consuming too much chocolate, dwelling on impure thoughts, reading novels, or performing 'secret pollutions' (masturbating) ... overstimulated women's delicate nerve fibres and led to nymphomania."

Male fantasies

To the average man, the nymphomaniac is a creature out of erotic dreams - sexy, passionate, wanting nothing but his love, and willing to do anything to please him. It is not uncommon for men to fantasise about having sex with a nymphomaniac. Their difficulty in satisfying this fantasy is actually locating one and some men use the image of a water nymph or mermaid depicted in art to approach a woman with similar features.

It is said that during midlife men may desire to have a nymphomaniac girlfriend. According to midlifebachelor.com, men should get what they can out of their relationship with a nymphomaniac woman - and be prepared to cut your losses in a hurry, and move on. Sleep with her quickly, and then vanish into thin air as if you were never there to begin with. In reality, some men who have sex with nymphomaniacs find that the experience does not live up to their expectations or fantasies resulting in unpleasant emotional moments and severe physical exhaustion.

Christian view

Some devout Christians view nymphomania as a sinful activity. However, it is not condoned in the Bible. Sex researcher Alfred Kinsey said "the only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform". On the other hand, some Christians view nymphomania as a celebration of marriage, as an expression of passion in the union. A wife may desire coitus or other sex acts more frequently than once every 24 hours, or may have sexual desires very frequently. Ironically, the best cure for nymphomania is marriage. (experienceproject.com)

Marriages annulled

However, in some countries, marriages are annulled because wives make heavy demands on their husbands to satisfy them. Magnus Hirschfield, writing in Sexual Anomalies and Perversions, cites a case in which a young man annulled his marriage after six weeks because of his wife's constant demand for sex. He posits that during their six-week marriage, he did not have more than one hour's sleep per night as his wife used several tactics to manipulate him into having sex. When the husband became exhausted after several discharges, she demanded that her husband stimulate her manually for hours until his arms ached.

Dangerous practice

There are dangers associated with nymphomania. It is believed that "60 per cent of sexual addicts were abused by someone in their childhood" and as such may end with pain and loneliness which would lead them to excessive sex for comfort (allpscyh.com). Extreme sexual activity may lead to delirium with cursing 'swear' words, insomnia, and congestion of the facial nerves, drying of the tongue and an increase in pulse rate and then collapsing and dying.

Here are some other negative consequences of sexually compulsive behaviour:

Exposure to sexually transmitted infections.

Debt from purchases to look the part of an attractive female.

Interference with your work and social life (some lovers tend to stalk).

Loss of reputation, especially in social circles.

Vulnerability to anxiety and depression.

In today's contemporary society, nymphomaniacs are not considered as abnormal but may be labelled as excessively sexually active. The debate continues as to whether nymphomaniacs really exist or women are just oversexed.

Send comments and questions to:heatherl@cwjamaica.com.