Doctor's Advice: Her husband beats her

Q: Doctor, I would like your fatherly advice. I am a married woman of 31, living in Havendale. Until a few months ago, my marriage was going reasonably well, except that from time to time my husband beats me. This happens mainly when he has been drinking.

But quite recently, a real kind and courteous man came into my life. I don't know how this happened, but somehow we became lovers. He is unmarried, and a little younger than me. My husband does not know of his existence.

To be honest, I am in love with this new guy. I know that is wrong, but I cannot help it. For the last few weeks, I have been ecstatically happy.

But last week, the bombshell dropped. My menses did not arrive, Doctor. I became desperately worried. There was no one I could talk to.

So I did a pregnancy test. And I am afraid it is POSITIVE. Could there be any doubt about the result, Doc? I have heard that sometimes these tests can go wrong.

And my big problem is that I do not know whether it is my husband or my boyfriend who is the father. Can you help me?

As far as I can remember, my husband forced me into having sex on the day after my period ended. That was the only time we had intercourse during the month.

As for my boyfriend, he had sex with me around 12-13 days before my menses were supposed to arrive. We did it twice.

So what I desperately need to know is this: If I am pregnant, who is the father of the child which is in my womb?

A: You are in a very difficult situation - and possibly a dangerous one, bearing in mind that your husband is a violent man.

Firstly, you ask me about pregnancy tests. These days, those tests are extremely accurate. If you carried out the procedure according to the instructions, then the result will be correct. In other words, you are pregnant.

So who is the babyfather? Well, it is impossible to be certain at this stage. But judging by the dates you have given me, it seems more likely that this baby is your lover's. I say this because of the fact that your boyfriend appears to have made love to you just after what was probably your 'ovulation day'.

In contrast, your spouse forced you into sex on the day after your period ended. Conceptions can occur on that day, but they are less common.

However, you will not be certain who is the father unless you can arrange DNA testing after the baby is born. Those tests would be quite expensive. Ideally, you would have to persuade your husband to take part in them. So I imagine that this could lead to quite a fuss! There would be a risk of violence.

I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. But the picture which you paint of your husband is a real nasty one. So maybe you should be talking to a lawyer about the possibility of divorce.

Q: I am 32 and male, and I feel that I am not too well-endowed sexually. Would there be any point in buying one of those 'penis-enlarging devices' that I see advertised on the Internet, Doc?

A: No point whatever. These devices are a waste of time and money. They do not work.

Q: Since I reached 30, my menses got a lot more troublesome. Aspirin and painkillers do not help the pain, which has become intense.

Would the Pill help, Doctor?

A: Very possibly. However, as the periods have suddenly started giving trouble, I feel there must be some medical reason for that.

For instance, you may perhaps have the common 'women's condition' called endometriosis. That is a common cause of intense menstrual pain among women in their 30s and 40s.

Therefore, I urge you to try and get to see a gynaecologist as soon as possible. The gyno will examine you, and tell you if special tests are needed.

Q: I am a guy of 28, and I feel that my virility is not what it was. Would treatment with that male hormone help me, Doctor?

A: I am doubtful. But the way to find out whether you are lacking in male hormone (testosterone) is to have a blood test.

At your age, it is much more likely that you are 'run down' or overstressed, or that you have some physical illness that is depriving you of energy. So I would recommend that you have a full check-up from a doc.

Q: My wife is pregnant for the very first time, and I am delighted. But she is completely terrified about the idea of giving birth, Doc.

She says that her body "will never stand the strain", and that her vagina is much too small to allow a baby to come through it. She keeps crying and moaning, and announcing that she "cannot go through with it".

I always knew that she did not like the idea of childbirth, but I had no idea things were as bad as this! I fear she might even kill herself.

A: Your wife has a sickness known as 'tocophobia' (or 'tokophobioa'), which is a morbid fear of childbirth. This is not her fault.

She urgently needs psychiatric treatment, and she may have to go into hospital for that. So please, do everything you can to get her to a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

I am sure that she can be helped. The doctors may decide that to have the baby by Caesarian operation would be less traumatic for her.

Q: My husband has been taking Viagra pills, which he obtained through the Internet. But I am fretting that they might interact with the other medication he is taking.

Is that possible, doctor?

A: Yes! Viagra can interact dangerously with a number of medications. Notably, it can cause big trouble if the guy is taking heart drugs called 'nitrates', or a pill called 'nicorandil'.

This is one of the reasons why guys should NOT buy Viagra through the net. Your spouse should see his own doctor right away in order to find out if any of his prescribed drugs can have serious interactions with Viagra.

Q: I have met a wonderful new guy, who has swept me off my feet, Doc. Also, he is much the most skilled lover I have ever known. In fact, there are some nights where he gives me eight or 10 orgasms.

What is concerning me is whether all these climaxes could do any harm to my health, Doc?

A: No, they cannot do you any harm. Multiple orgasms do not damage a woman's health, though they may make her rather tired next day.

The probability is that as time goes by, your sex life with this guy will become less 'frantic', and you will be satisfied with far fewer climaxes. There are very, very few women who continue to have eight orgasms a night on a regular basis.

Send questions to editor@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.