My fiancé wears women's clothes

I have known him for three years, and we get along very well. He tells me that he loves me and I believe I love him.

The sex has been fine, though we have only slept together a few times. He likes having sex with me and I am looking forward to him giving me several lovely children.

But here is the difficult part. I have a key to his house and last week I showed up unexpectedly and went straight in. To my absolute horror, he was standing in the bathroom, dressed in women's clothing.

I could not believe it! He was wearing a bra and a skirt, under which he had on pantyhose. He was holding a blouse, which I guess he was just putting on.

When he saw me, he ran to the bedroom put his head in his hands and burst into tears. I didn't say anything because I was so shocked. I just ran out the front door and went home.

We have not spoken since then. He has not called me.

Now what I want to know is this. Am I right in thinking that he must be a homosexual?

A. No, you are not. Your fiancé is a transvestite or 'TV'. And although a lot of people find this very hard to believe, most transvestites are heterosexual and not gay.

I have seen quite a number of them over the years, and the very surprising thing about it is that they want to have sex with women not men.

Now why is your man a TV? That is very difficult to say. But usually it seems to go back to early childhood. When he was younger, he may well have received some special pleasure through touching his mother's clothes, or trying them on.

Most transvestites continue this habit into adolescence and adulthood, usually doing it when there is no one else around to see them. And that is a wise precaution, because the sight of a man in women's clothes seems to annoy a lot of people. Only last month, there was a case in which a TV male had to be saved by the police from a group of men who wanted to attack him. It is very unfair that these poor men should be exposed to violence, but that is how it is.

Now, you say that your fiancé "likes having sex" with you. That is what I would expect from a transvestite man. I very much doubt whether he has any desire to have sex with men.

You also indicate that you love each other and, of course, that is very important - because I think there is a chance that this relationship can be saved.

However, your fiancé does need treatment. This should be given by a psychologist, who would probably spend a lot of time going into his background and exploring his emotions. I believe he would be given special 'mental exercises' to help him lessen the 'hold' which women's clothes have on his mind.

I cannot guarantee that he would be completely cured, but a major improvement is a distinct possibility.

And if he were not completely cured, what then?

Well, I can only tell you that I have seen a few cases in which a wife actually accepted her husband's interest in women's clothing. I remember one instance in which the couple would make a point of 'dressing up' together in the evening when no one could see them.

But admittedly, many women cannot cope with a husband who keeps dressing himself in a bra and stockings. So maybe that option would not be for you.

Nevertheless, I do feel that you should re-establish contact with this unfortunate man. He must be feeling very terrible at the moment. So why not pick up the phone and talk to him?

Q. Yesterday, I was unfaithful to my wife while she was away in the country visiting her mother. It only happened once.

What are the chances that I have picked up a germ, which I might perhaps give her?

A .The risks of contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) are difficult to calculate, since I do not know anything about the woman with whom you had sex. If she is a promiscuous person, or a prostitute, the dangers would be quite high.

But any sexual contact can give a person an STI. So I think you should have a medical check-up before you resume having sex with your wife.

Q: Doctor, I am 32 and my menses have suddenly gone crazy. Is it possible to have menopause at my young age?

A. Premature menopause can occur in early 30s, but that is rare. You must have a physical examination by a doctor to find out why you have suddenly developed 'menstrual chaos'.

Q. How could I get that 'male Pill', Doctor?

A. You can't. It hasn't been developed yet. Although there are frequent stories about it in the news, it is still in the laboratory stage.

Q. Whenever I have sex with my partner, she gets very tense and complains about feeling pain. Her gynaecologist cannot find anything wrong.

So what do you think is the problem?

A. If the gynaecologist has ruled out physical problems, then it is likely that the symptoms are caused from muscular tension. She may even have the 'muscle contract' condition called 'vaginismus'.

I suggest that she consults a sympathetic female doctor, who could show her how to relax completely in bed.

Q. Doctor, I'm on the Pill. I had sex with my husband on September 30, and then saw my period in mid-October. Later in October, I had unprotected sex with another man.

Could I be pregnant?

A. It depends what you mean by 'unprotected sex'. If you continued to take your Pill regularly, then it is most unlikely that you are pregnant by that man. By now you should have had your November menses. And if you haven't, then you should do a pregnancy test.

You must also consider the question of whether you could have caught any infection from this lover.

Finally, I wonder why you are cheating on your husband? If you want to keep this marriage going, then it would be a good idea to see a marital counsellor.

Q. Last week, while I was on a business trip to Miami, I French-kissed an American woman at a party. What are the chances that this might have given me an STI?

A. I presume that by French kissing, you just mean putting tongues in each other's mouths. The chances of catching an STI that way are pretty remote.

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