Doctor's Advice: Afraid to lose my virginity

Q Hi, Doc. I am a 17-year-old male virgin. I am really afraid of having sex with girls because of what my friends have told me. So I have never been out with a female. My friends say that if a guy enters a woman's vagina, he can get hurt, or maybe cut. This idea terrifies me. But is it true, Doc? Sometimes I wonder if they are just playing a joke on me.

A This is all foolishness. Your friends are indeed playing a trick on you by telling you such nonsense. These myths about the vagina have existed for generations, and innocent young men like you sometimes believe them. I have actually met one or two male teenagers who thought that there were teeth in the vagina!

It seems like you are a little naïve where sexual matters are concerned, so I feel it would be a good idea if you could find some older person, like a teacher or a minister of religion, who could become your mentor and help you to understand more about sex, including its dangers.

Q I have refused to give my virginity to any boy. But now, at age 19, I have met an older man who has made me an offer. He says that he respects my decision to retain my virginity, but he suggests that we could have rectal sex only. He says that this process carries no risk of pregnancy, and furthermore, that it cannot give a girl sexually transmitted infections (STI). Is that correct? I should add that he is a real big, strong, powerful, and well-off guy, and it is hard to resist him.

A Well, I think you should resist him. Rectal sex is very painful for a girl until she gets used to it, which could take months or even years. Also, it is likely to damage her anus so that she may leak faeces when she is a little older.

What he has said about rectal sex carrying no serious risk of pregnancy is true. However, there is the slight danger that seminal fluid leaking from the anus could find its way across the adjoining couple of inches of skin and make its way into the vagina.

More to the point, if you let this large, powerful, dominant man enter your anus, he might easily take the opportunity to quickly insert himself into your vagina - in other words, rape you.

Finally, what he has told you about rectal sex being safe as far as infection is concerned is totally untrue. Rectal intercourse can transmit any of the common STIs. And it is notorious for transferring HIV from one person to another. In case you didn't know, that is the virus which causes AIDS. You have been warned!

Q We are a young couple in love, and last night we had sex for the first time. We stopped just before the climax. In other words, Doc, we practised 'pulling out'. Will this lead to pregnancy?

A Well, the odds are that you will get away with it. Unfortunately, it is now too late for you to use the emergency contraceptive (the 'post-coital Pill'); but the two of you should go to a doctor or clinic and get good advice about reliable methods of contraception.

Q I am a 20-year-old female and I have a skin issue caused by mosquito bites. I am currently using a cocoa butter moisturiser because I heard it was good. But I haven't seen any results yet. After they bite me, if I even rub the area, a bump promptly appears. This looks bad, and it itches for months.

A Sorry to hear about this. I am not aware that cocoa butter will do any good. You should try and avoid mosquito bites by using these measures:

Wear long sleeves and clothes that leave no uncovered gaps at the waist or the ankles;

Spray your skin two to three times a day with a good insect repellent, which you can buy at the pharmacy or in supermarkets;

Try not to go outside in the evening when mosquitoes are most likely to bite;

When you do get bites, at all costs avoid rubbing or scratching them;

If you get a skin bump, ask the pharmacy for an anti-histamine medication, which should ease the inflammation.

Q I am about to start college and I want to become a physician. My girlfriend is 20 years old, and whenever we have sex, I notice that she has an odour. Is this a sign of a yeast infection?

A No. A so-called yeast infection is actually caused from a fungus called candida albicans. It is also known as thrush. It does not cause an odour. Instead, it produces a thick, white 'cheesy' discharge, accompanied by intense itching and soreness. Sometimes the partner feels sore too.

So what is causing the odour? Well, as you will learn if you pursue your medical studies, it is actually normal for young women to have a musky vaginal aroma. It is thought that the purpose of this is to attract the male.

However, there are some infections that produce a very bad smell, accompanied by a discharge. They are mainly caused by germs called anaerobes. If your girlfriend is concerned, she should see a doctor so that bacteriology swabs can be sent to the lab.

Q Can lack of sex make a guy ill? I have decided that for moral and ethical reasons, I do not want to have intercourse till I am married, but some of my friends have told me that abstaining like this could make me sick. Is this true, Doc?

A: Your friends are wrong. Abstaining from sex does not make a guy sick. In the past, many men used to abstain from sexual activity until they were married. In the case of some religious workers, such as monks and priests, they abstained all their lives. They did not become ill as a result. Please note that there will be times when your body actually needs to 'discharge' sperms. That is why many celibate males experience 'wet dreams' (nocturnal emissions) from time to time.

Q Doc, I am 18 and thinking of using tampons, but some of my older relatives say that they could be bad for my health. Are they right?

A Tampons are perfectly OK healthwise as evidenced by the fact that worldwide, millions of women use them.

However, you must remember two health precautions:

Wash your hands carefully before putting in a tampon, or taking one out;

Do not leave a tampon inside for longer than the manufacturer recommends.

Failure to observe these two basic rules can occasionally lead to very serious infections.

Q My fiancée is thinking of having one of those coil things fitted, but would it affect her sex drive, or mine?

A The coil (intra-uterine device or IUD) does not affect a woman's sex drive. Nor can it harm her partner's libido. This is a good method of contraception, though it does usually make the menses heavier.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.