Doctor's Advice - Am I in love, or am I sick?

Q: Is it possible for a woman like me to fall madly in love in her 30s? Or is there something medically wrong with me why I'm feeling this way? If so, is there any medication I can take to treat it? Doctor, I have been married for 15 years, and I have three children. My husband is a good, hard-working man. He is successful in business and we have a nice home.

Until four weeks ago, I would have said that everything was fine in my life. My husband and I have occasional disagreements, but nothing too serious. Sex was good - in fact, sometimes very passionate. But then, last month, I met a younger man. He is a teacher, and very intelligent. He is kind, thoughtful and very good with my children.

In appearance, he is nothing special. But he has a gentle face, and a fit body. He works out, and keeps himself in good shape. That is certainly a contrast with my husband, who has 'let himself go' in the last few years, and has become overweight. I do not know how this happened, Doctor, but one day I was discussing my children's homework with this young man. Suddenly, he put his arms round me and said: 'I think I love you'. Then he kissed me. Doctor, I was absolutely stunned! I did not know what to do. For a moment or two, I put my arms around him. And then I 'pulled myself together', and walked out of the room.

Since then, I have seen him on several occasions and on each occasion, it has been the same. He tells me that he loves me, then hugs and kisses me. To be honest, I kiss him back. But so far, it has gone no further than that. My inner feeling is that he is the most wonderful young man I have ever met. I am on the brink of telling him that I love him. The idea of going to bed with him is truly exciting. I dream about him when I am asleep, and I think about him tenderly all day long. But I am wondering if these crazy feelings are evidence of some sort of sickness on my part?

A: Definitely not. I am sure that there is nothing 'medically' wrong with you. After all, you are not the one who started all this! It was the young man who began kissing you and telling you that he loves you. All you have done is to respond to his advances - in a way that many women would have if they were approached by a younger man.

You might be flattered by the fact that he is younger than you, and that has made you feel rejuvenated. Maybe you were feeling that you would soon be middle-aged, and that it would be nice to do something that reminded you of your youthful days.

What is crystal clear is that you are in love with this young man. And, as I am sure you know, love make people do the craziest things. Often, they leave their spouses and children to go off with the person they love. In extreme cases, people who are in love will even resort to violence.

There is no medication that might change the way you feel. No medication can alter the feelings of a woman in love! The good thing about your story is that so far, you have not had sex with this young man which I implore you not to do!

You see, when a woman falls in love with a man, the act of having sex usually takes matters to a new level. It is as if sexual intercourse has 'bound' them together. So if you have sex with this man, that will probably make your mutual attachment even stronger. Also, going to bed with him could create all sorts of other problems. You could get pregnant or contract a virus, and your husband might find out - which would be disastrous.

Summing it up, I think that the most sensible thing you can do now is to stop seeing this young man altogether. Cut off all contact with him. And do your very best to forget about him. I wish you well.

Q: I am a 32-year-old male and I have been having some difficulties urinating. My doctor says I have a stricture, and is sending me to a surgeon. She thinks the problem is linked to an infection I had in my youth. But what is a stricture, Doctor? And is it caused from sex?

A: The word stricture means narrowing. Commonly, the narrowing is in the urinary pipe, and that makes it difficult for the man to urinate. Unfortunately, it can also be caused by gonorrhoea (the clap). Sounds like you had this when you were younger. Perhaps it wasn't adequately treated. Your doctor is correct in referring you to a urology surgeon. He will be able to insert a special instrument that can 'widen' your urinary pipe, and so make it easier for you to urinate. Good luck.

Q: In the last few months, I have had intense period pain, and pain whenever my partner thrusts deeply. My doctor says that I have something called endometriosis. Could you please explain to me what this is?

A: It is a common condition in which pieces of womb lining (which is called the endometrium) gets into the wrong places. Then these little bits of tissue try to menstruate, and that causes intense pain. You should see a gynaecologist as soon as possible. He or she may treat you with ordinary surgery, or with a laser. Alternatively, there are several drugs (including the Pill) which can help.

Q: I have just been told that I have a slightly enlarged prostate. Will this prevent me from having sex with my girlfriend, doctor?

A: No, you should be fine.

Q: My husband is 15 years older than I, and he has become very worried that he is not producing enough sex fluid. Personally, it does not bother me, Doctor. But how much should he produce at his age (45)?

A: The average at his time of life is between three and five millilitres.

Q: My best friend told me that once she had 18 orgasms in a night. But is that humanly possible, Doctor?

A: Yes, it is possible. But no woman could do it on a regular basis.

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