Eliminate violence against women

by Garth A. Rattray

She walked into the emergency room slowly. She was a scared young woman in severe pain, clutching her chest and wondering whether she was going to live or die. There was a deep, penetrating knife wound to her right chest. X-rays confirmed that she had free air, a partially collapsed lung and a little blood inside her right chest cavity.

After learning that her life could be saved, she related that her live-in babyfather became enraged because she confronted him about an intimate relationship that he was having with another woman within the same community. The quarrel escalated, he pulled a knife from his waist and plunged it into her chest before running out of their rented apartment at the back of an inner-city tenement.

She refused to have him arrested, even though we all begged her to do so for her sake and for the sake of all women like her. We pressed for the umpteenth time, "Why did the quarrel end in such violence?" Her worried frown turned into a smile and she shocked us all into stupefied muteness when she replied, "Because him love me."

Control freaks

Domestic violence/abuse is all about control. It has absolutely nothing to do with 'love'. It can erupt spontaneously but is often predictable. It usually begins with insults and denigrating remarks. The abuser tries to isolate you (emotionally and, perhaps, even physically) from family and friends. Abusers can become extremely boisterous, threaten violence and shout you down with little provocation.

Abusers try to modify your social behaviour, listen in on calls or search your stowed clothes, phone, computer, diary and/or purse. Some abusers are unveiled when they become intoxicated.

Often, abusers become bedroom bullies. Abusers may jab you with a finger, push you or grab your arm, neck, collar or waist. At this point, the serious physical violence usually begins and it may escalate into the use of weapons. Some abusers will apologise initially, but once the abuse begins, it rarely ends unless there is psychological and/or legal intervention.

There are innumerable women from every social stratum, every race and every economic background experiencing varying degrees of violence committed by their male spouses. I know of rich and even well-known couples in which violence has been part of their marriage for years.

Most victims of domestic violence are too embarrassed and/or afraid to extricate themselves from abusive relationships. The key to dealing with domestic abuse is to nip it in the bud. Bring friends and relatives into the picture and let the abuser know that you did. Insist on counselling.

If you feel that all efforts have failed and you have to leave, do so early. If you fear being caught and attacked, have a plan for a safe exit (pre-packed luggage, prearranged routes and prepared friends/relatives).

Troubling data worldwide

Violence against women may be considered a pandemic. The ramifications are self-perpetuating and widespread. A World Health Organisation study covering 10 (mainly developing) countries concluded that in females between the ages of 15 and 49, the lowest incidence of abuse (victims of physical and/or sexual violence by a spouse) was 15 per cent of women (in Japan), and the highest was 70 per cent of women (in Ethiopia and Peru). It affects their children and is vertically transmitted through many generations. The attendant violence negatively impacts the wider community severely.

Since 1981, women's activists have earmarked November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. In 1999, the United Nations General Assembly added it to its calendar. Although it is commemorated on November 25, it is followed by 16 days of activism against gender-based violence.

The 16 days of activism encompass World Aids Day (December 1), International Day for Persons with Disabilities (December 3) and Human Rights Day (December 10).

Garth A. Rattray is a medical doctor. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and garthrattray@gmail.com.