doctor's advice: Will this change our sex life?

Q: Doctor, I would like some advice from you about my wife. I would like to know if our sex life will be OK.

The reason I am asking is that we are both diabetic. I asked the doctor about this strange occurrence and he said it was probably because both of us have become so overweight.

I must admit that over the years, both my wife and I have put on a lot of weight. The doctor has told us to lose some weight and we have been able to.

But what has me worried is that diabetes often causes sexual complications. I have two friends who had this disease, and both of them lost their 'nature'.

So do you think that the 'sugar' will make me impotent? And will it give my wife sexual problems as well? Like making her lose interest in having intercourse?

A: This is a very important question, especially as there are so many persons who are diabetic.

It has been known for many years that diabetic men often develop erectile dysfunction (ED). The reason for this is still not absolutely clear but it is probably because of the effects of diabetes on the blood vessels, that is, the tubes that supply blood to the penis. In order to get an erection, you have to have a good blood supply to the penis.

It is not inevitable that one day you will have problems with your nature! And if it does happen, remember that there are a lot of good treatments available, including Viagra-type drugs.

In the case of women, things are not so clear. Not enough research has been done on whether diabetes affect the sex lives of women. But one research study carried out in the United States suggested that around 27 per cent of women who have insulin-dependent diabetes (that is, the kind where you have to take injections) may run into sexual problems.

These problems include vaginal dryness and yeast infections. But again, it's important to remember that treatments are available.

What I would recommend for you and your wife is that you should try to keep your glucose levels as near normal as possible. That applies to everyone who is diabetic.

Also, if you are still overweight, you must make every effort to lose some weight. Getting your weight stabilised will make your diabetes manageable. It will also reduce the chances that you will lose your nature.

Q: Doctor, in the seven years that I have been married, I have never had an orgasm. But last month, I had a brief affair with an old college friend.

To my surprise, I had an orgasm every time. On a few occasions, I even experienced multiple orgasms. I was stunned by this new experience. It was mainly due to the fact that he did various skilled things in bed that my husband does not do.

He has now returned to England, and I do not suppose that I will see him again. Perhaps this is a good thing because I love my husband, and I do not want to wreck our marriage.

However, it would be wonderful if I could experience the same height of pleasure with my spouse. Yet, obviously, I cannot tell him about the things that my boyfriend did to me to make me have an orgasm.

Any suggestions, Doctor?

A: Well, it is certainly a good thing that this man has returned to England. A continuation of that passionate affair might have certainly wrecked your marriage.

Now you clearly cannot say to your husband: 'Oh by the way, Mr X did this technique to me in bed'.

Instead, I suggest that you get yourself a book about foreplay, and try to persuade your husband to read it with you. Alternatively, you could try to get him to check out various love-play techniques on the Internet. Maybe you could suggest that this would be fun for both of you.

If he is willing to cooperate, you should be able to introduce him to various simple methods of making a woman orgasm, particularly by clitoral stimulation.

Q: I am appalled to say that I have just discovered that my 14-year-old son was molested by a male teacher while he was away at school in another country. Apparently, the police have been informed. Could this affect him psychologically, or maybe make him gay?

A: Unfortunately, when boys are molested by a male adult, this often does have a rather dramatic effect on their sexual orientation. When they grow up, some of them actually become child molesters themselves.

Therefore, I think you would be very wise to find a good counsellor for your son, and to book some therapy sessions for him.

Q: At 36, I am finding my foreskin very tight, and it hurts when I'm having sex with my girlfriend. Is it too late to have a circumcision, Doctor?

A: No. But it might be possible to avoid surgery through regular use of a cream which 'damps down' inflammation in the skin.

Please see a doctor and ask his opinion about your foreskin.

Q: Doctor, I am a 51-year-old female and I recently stopped taking the injection, and had sex with a guy two weeks later. Since then, I haven't see my period. Do you think I am pregnant?

A: I would say that it is unlikely. Quite a few women have missed their period for a while after being on the injection. Also, the fact that you are 51 greatly reduces the chances of pregnancy.

Q: My wife and I recently enjoyed a threesome episode with a delightful young woman who lay between us, and pleasured us both. But now I am surprised to find that both women are exchanging affectionate emails. And I suspect they may be communicating 'behind my back' on Twitter.

What is going on?

A: One of the possible unfortunate consequences of this type of threesome is that the women may develop a lesbian attachment to each other. It is possible that this has happened.

I feel that you and your wife urgently need to see a marital counsellor to try and keep your marriage going. And please: no more threesomes!

Q: I want to start a relationship with a man, and I am wondering what is the best contraceptive to choose?

A: There is no 'best' contraceptive. It is a matter of individual choice. You should simply choose whatever you feel more comfortable with.

Among the most effective methods are: the Pill, the coil (IUD), the condom (male or female), the implant, the vaginal ring, the diaphragm and the patch.

Q: My husband will be coming home shortly after being away working in America. Should I tell him that I used a vibrator regularly while he was abroad?

A: I don't see why you shouldn't tell him if you want to. After all, using a vibrator is not cheating.

Send questions and comments to editor@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.