Doctor's Advice - She is desperate for a baby

Q. Doctor, my husband and I need some advice about sex and conception. We have been married for 10 years, and have had a lot of sex in our attempts to have a baby. I am desperate for a child. I had various 'gyno' tests over the years, and eventually it became clear that there was nothing wrong with me at all. I am fertile. I have regular menses, and I know when I ovulate.

But as for my husband, we discovered six months ago that he does not produce any sperm at all. That surprised me, Doctor, as he is a real sexy guy. He can 'do it' three times for the day if he wants to. And he certainly produces a lot of fluid. But apparently, there are no sperms in it.  Now, we have been thinking a lot about this problem. And we think we have come up with an answer.

My husband has a real good male friend. He actually bears quite a physical resemblance to my man. So our idea is that he could be the babyfather. He is keen to do this. Don't get me wrong, Doctor. I am NOT going to bed with him. But in an American woman's magazine, we have read where it is possible for three people to do an 'artificial insemination' in the privacy of the home, just using certain kitchen implements. Is this correct? What do you advise?

A. Well, artificial insemination by donor ('AID') is not against the law. It is usually carried out by a doctor under very clean medical conditions. The donor male (like your husband's friend) supplies a sample through masturbation.

The doc then places it inside the woman, at the top of her vagina, or sometimes just inside the cervix. If this is done at around the time of ovulation, there is quite a good chance that conception may occur.

I am aware that certain couples in America choose to 'bypass' the doctors by doing the artificial insemination themselves. They usually seem to use a kitchen utensil called a 'basting spoon'. The results are said to be good.

However, I must stress two things to you. Firstly, it is quite difficult to carry out this procedure hygienically. For that reason, I think you would do better to consult a gynaecologist and ask him if he will do artificial insemination for you.

But, may I also stress that if you go ahead with this procedure, it could possibly result in psychological problems. In particular:

1. Your husband might become bitter in a few years' time because he was unable to cope with the idea that in a way, he was 'given a jacket'.

2. His best friend might get resentful because of seeing his own child brought up by someone else;

3. You might become too emotionally attached to the man who is the real father of your child.

Nevertheless, it is perfectly possible that everything may turn out OK. I suggest that you begin by getting some advice from a gynaecologist.

Q.  My wife is thinking of using that 'vaginal ring' thing as a contraceptive. But would it be safe for her, Doc?  And would I be able to feel it during sex?

A. The vaginal ring, also known as 'NuvaRing', is extremely effective. It is a hormone-containing thing that the woman must keep in her vagina for three weeks out of every four. Yes, men can sometimes feel the NuvaRing, but they don't usually seem to mind. It just seems to give them a little tickle.

The one big drawback with the ring is that it contains two Pill-type hormones. This means that it carries a risk of causing thrombosis (clotting) or strokes. In the United States of America, several hundred women have brought lawsuits because of this. So your wife should not try the vaginal ring if she has any 'risk factors' for thrombosis - such as heavy smoking.

Q. My husband and I have consulted a doctor because I have trouble reaching an orgasm. She advised us to get a vibrator, which my man could use on me. But I am not so sure, Doctor. I heard a report that a woman in Jamaica had been injured by a vibrator. Is that possible?

A. You must be referring to the recent incident in which a woman in St Catherine seems to have been cut by a broken sex toy. Some reports suggested that the toy had been placed in a refrigerator to make it harden, and that as result it snapped - leaving a sharp edge.

I must say that I have never seen anyone, female or male, who has been injured by a vibrator. These little devices are very good for helping women who have difficulty in discharging. They work because they can vibrate so fast - far faster than any man could manage. However, it is definitely not a good idea to put them into the fridge.

Q. I am a married man, and I am deeply ashamed about what I am going to tell you, Doctor. Last week, I had had a few drinks and I went down to New Kingston and had a brief 'session' with a hooker. Could this have given me any infection? I have taken care NOT to have sex with my wife since then.

A. That was a wise precaution. Please do NOT have sex with her until you are sure that you are free of disease. I am afraid that prostitutes do often carry infections such as gonorrhoea, chlamydia and even syphilis. So going with a hooker is quite likely to give a man an STI.

Furthermore, I understand that quite a few of the prostitutes in New Kingston are actually male. Do you really mean that you went with a guy? If so, then I am afraid that you could also have run quite a risk of getting AIDS. So please see a doctor right away. Be frank with him about what has happened. He will arrange for you to have tests for an STI. And he will advise you about how soon you should have an HIV test.

Q. These days, when my husband and I have sex everything is a little 'dry'. I am now 45. Would some kind of hormones help me, as I have heard?

A. Quite a lot of ladies who are in their mid-40s experience a certain amount of vaginal dryness. This is often due to a drop in hormone levels. To begin with, you should try a simple sex lubricant. But if that does not help, then any doc could prescribe a vaginal hormone cream for you. That usually gets rid of any dryness and discomfort.

Q. How soon after having my baby can I resume sex, Doc?

A. I usually recommend waiting for at least eight weeks, but you should be guided by your own midwife or doc. Often one can resume gentle petting somewhat earlier than that.

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