Toot! Toot! Oh come on!

I sat in the car for far too long and become more than a little annoyed. It had all seemed promising at first when I zipped out of the parking spot and made good time getting to the exit of the plaza. Then, everything came to a standstill. I looked out the window of the car and could clearly see an army of ants making its way smuggly pass me.

A tired-looking security guard who appeared completely bewildered by the whole affair, was mechanically waving his hands as if prodding the drivers on. But nobody could move, so it seemed a little pointless.

A man holding a black plastic bag walked up to my window.

"Any clappas, fire rocket?" he asked. I told him no.

"Shi boom, star light?" he pressed.

I told him no, again.

"Any pepper light, gas balloon?"

I asked him if he really had all that in the plastic bag.

"No but mi can get it if yuh want it," he said.

I told him that I wasn't buying anything and was only trying to make my way out of the plaza.

"Oh, yuh nah move fi now. Everyweh jam up," he said before walking off.

Beep! Beep! It appeared the driver of the car behind was equally frustrated with the situation.

We inched forward for the first time in several minutes. But the joy it initiated was short-lived. We were soon back to a standstill.

I decided that much more of this was likely to drive me insane. So, as soon as a nearby parking spot became vacant, I drove into it and hopped out. I was tired of sitting and figured that walking around a bit would at least allow some time for the congestion to break.

I soon realised though, that the walkways were just as packed. People were rushing in and out of stores, some with bags, others with just frustrated expressions. I couldn't tell where it was coming from but I could hear Christmas carols. The chatter of the crowd though, nearly drowned it out.

I bumped into a man carrying a sack over his right shoulder. I apologised, even though I will forever insist it was his fault. He said nothing and kept on walking. A few steps later, he bumped into a portly woman with a pimple on her nose. She though, was less diplomatic.

"Why yuh nuh watch weh yuh ah go?" she yelled.

"Ah carry bag lakka Santa Claus." The man said nothing, but glared at her.

"Tan deh look pan mi!" the woman said. "Face fava dem common fowl."

The man sauntered off. The woman went on her way.

A slender woman who was apparently having some difficulty walking in shoes with very high heels, stepped out of a store. She wore sunglasses and a very short dress. A man selling cellphone accessories nearby, spotted her.

"Ooh!" he exclaimed.

"Baby yuh look proper!" he said. The woman flashed him off and walked by him.

"Gwaan yuh ways!" the man shouted. "Yuh foot dem wah sand dung."

The woman didn't respond. A boy standing next to the man, snickered.

"You are out of order!" someone yelled. It was a white-haired woman with wrinkled hands. She was pointing at the man.

"You must have respect for women!" she said.

The man seemed bothered.

"Is not me yuh know mummy," he said. "Mi ongle tell har seh she look good and she ah gwaani gwaani."

The woman hissed. "That don't mean you can insult her. You must do better than that!"

The man nodded sheepishly.

"Is Christmas time now," said the woman. "Now is when we show love even to those who don't show it back to us."

Where should Robert go next? Let him know at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com