Support for your relationships

Heather Little-White, PhD , Contributor

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the problems affecting your relationship?

Are you feeling lonely and unsupported even though you are in a relationship?

Are you experiencing bouts of boredom and everything in the union becomes routine?

Do you feel depressed or burned out in your relationship?

Community giving

If you are experiencing any of the above, you have to recognise that you may be keeping your relationship in a vacuum. You may have blocked out your circle of friends and family, community and country and tuned out world conditions. You are affected by these entities in some way and while you should not allow them to consume you, making the decision to deal with them can provide creative, nurturing support to keep your relationship vibrant and sustained.

For example, being part of a community promotes giving and sharing and this has the capacity to revitalise your relationship.

What would be the benefits of helping your community?

The act of helping others has positive influences on your physical and mental health.

Deriving a sense of purpose and well-being known as the 'helper's high'.

Gaining respect and appreciation for others helps you appreciate your spouse and this adds new meaning to your union.

As you nurture others, you will experience a sense of satisfaction.

Family interaction

Interacting with family prevents you from feeling bored or trapped. You can reach out to family and friends who will be happy to reciprocate in positive ways to boost your self-esteem. You can send flowers or a card to your friends and find out if there is anything you can do ease their stress.

Audit your needs

A strong support system provides a network of persons on who you can lean and reduce the pressure placed on your relationship. You should do an audit of your needs as a couple and seek out the support to match those needs.

What do you look for in a friend? Do you have friends of the opposite sex and how does your partner feel about them? Friendships are vital to a relationship as they can meet a need that you do not find in your union. On the other hand, turning to friends may create problems for you and your partner, as one spouse may feel that you turn outside first without trying to resolve the issues with each other.

Male friendships

When men have friendships outside the union, they are less dependent on the women in their lives reducing the strain which may be caused. Men nurture friendships with men, especially those from the schoolboy network, service club or the corporate arena. This boosts their well-being and help them overcome health challenges. Studies have shown that persons involved in friendships are less likely to develop cancer and serious infections.

Female support

Women have very little problems connecting with friends. There may be potential problems when women choose to discuss relationship issues with friends, mothers or sisters without discussing with their partner. While it is important to have friends who meet needs that your partner cannot meet, it is unhealthy to use friends as substitute for heart-to-heart discussions with your mate. It is best to talk with friends as a couple.

Although we tend to be private in our affairs, you may have to seek help from others like a counsellor when you have a crisis like losing your job or having a medical emergency which creates a financial strain. Very often, you allow negative feelings of dependence to prevent you from seeking help, but staying isolated can be more devastating to your relationship.

Mentorship

Mentorship is helpful to relationships, so it is a great idea to find a couple whose relationship you both admire and ask them to be your relationship mentors in love. When you have a difficulty in your union, you can call on your mentor to get their perspective on how they would handle a problem.

In some countries, there are friendship groups made up of couples. In this regard, there is no feeling of isolation as a bond is created with couples experiencing the same problems. Through the group, you can vision your future together, pursuing common goals and desires.

Creative support in your relationship provides a cushion to help you through those difficult times in your union.

Send questions/comments to: heatherl@cwjamaica.com.