Old BC strikes back!

By Gordon Robinson

The Old Ball and Chain insisted on writing this week's column herself. She wrote: "It's definite. Celine Dion is the best I've seen perform in Jamaica. Certainly, she's produced the most successful show. Her performance was professional, thrilling, and flawless; the experience of a lifetime. I'm glad I went. I've never seen so many people, and many more didn't reach. I hear it was chaos on the highway, which anxious concertgoers converted into a five-lane, one-way blockade for miles. People parked beyond Laughing Waters and walked.

My superb, advanced planning spared us any inconvenience. When I realised Celine would be at the 2012 festival, I started nagging Old Grey Balls to get his act together early. We ladies know the art of nagging is in the timing. I waited until he became engrossed with his domino-playing pals, The Three Stooges. Then I asked him if I should book hotel rooms and buy tickets. Not wanting to be exposed to Larry, Curly, and Moe as a cheapskate, he mumbled distractedly, "Yes, go ahead." Voila, we were ready months in advance.

So it was that Old GB and I headed to MoBay from Thursday morning. Once checked into Half Moon (now a 'Rock' Resort, whatever that is), we were treated royally. It was great to see that, despite recent changes, the legacy of decades of management excellence, started by the one and only Heinz Simonitsch, and kicked up a notch by Richard Whitfield (with his indispensable aide-de-camp Peter Kellond), had been preserved.

Also, on Saturday night, I discovered Kellond's culinary wizardry as he prepared and presented a five-course dinner from scratch. Unfortunately, girls, Karlene's well entrenched, so there's little hope for us. But, if she slips ... .

At Half Moon, I must especially thank Everette Baker, who helped me manage Old GB's idio(t)syncracies by making sure we always had the spot he wanted, and maître d' Basil Samuels, who was most hospitable and kept us updated with the latest festival news regarding the plight of the unlucky who hadn't planned as brilliantly as I.

Grumbling gordon

We all know Old GB. If everything isn't perfect; if some unfamiliar person makes him uncomfortable; if there are any surprises, my antisocial husband would be back home instantly and I would've missed Celine. So, thank you, Everette and Basil. Thank you very much. As Sammy Sosa might say, "You've been berry, berry good to me."

Even so, it was touch and go Thursday night, billed as celebrating 50 years of Jamaican music. It started fine with a genuine legend, Derrick Morgan. But then we had a lengthy tribute to Byron Lee's Dragonaires. Old GB started grumbling immediately the MC praised BLD's contribution to Jamaica's music. Old GB said BLD, whose significant musical contribution he acknowledges, played mainly a blend of Caribbean styles and never made a contribution to indigenous music development equal to Blues Blasters, Skatalites, et al.

When BLD started an extended soca session, Old GB nearly stormed out in protest ("THIS is 'Jamaican' music?" he growled).

Mercifully, Lloyd Parks soon took over with a more authentic history lesson, backing the likes of John Holt ("Where's Ken Boothe?" Old GB grumbled), Marcia Griffiths (brilliant in her a cappella cover of Nancy Wilson standards), and Yellowman. Maxi Priest, one of my favourites, woke us up with a fantastic performance beginning after 1 a.m. Shaggy was a superb closer, even at 3:15.

Celine shone brightly

Friday belonged to Celine. We arrived while Celine's band was rehearsing with one of the back-up singers as her stand-in. Old GB immediately started lecturing me about Frank Sinatra, who he said simply walked on stage and sang after the band had rehearsed thoroughly without Frank. He'd just predicted, with his customary certainty, that, likewise, Celine wouldn't turn up until showtime when she appeared, casually dressed, to rehearse. It was the weekend's top delight.

She appeared surprised to see about 20 of us were already there. We rushed to the stage. She engaged the crowd; sang lengthy excerpts from her songs; rehearsed with Diana King; and put on a show for those present. Then, all too soon, she said, "I'll be back later. I can't wait for tonight." And she was gone.

After her magnificent show, not even three hours' delay leaving the stadium could dim the glow. What a fantastic experience! Don't listen to Old GB, he's just an idle, grumpy old man. Can't anybody out there find him a J.O.B.? Please? Pretty please?"

Peace and love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.