Doctor's Advice - No sex when stressed

• No sex when stressed

Q: I am a young female and I can't seem to engage in anything sexual when I am stressed. My partner thinks this is abnormal and indicates that I do not desire or care about him. How can I better the situation?

A: I am sorry to hear about this. It is clear that you are a highly stressed person. I notice that only the other day, you sent me another email in which you were very worried about a pain in your chest. Why are you so stressed? One would have to look into your background and upbringing to try to find that out. Were your mother and father very nervous people, or did they perhaps subject you to a lot of strain and worry for some reason? Or did you have many bad experiences in your childhood, like the death of loved ones?

It would be helpful if a therapist or counsellor could help you explore these matters. If you can afford it, I urge you to have a few sessions with such a person. It could pay big dividends. In the meantime, you should look up the two words 'stress management' on the Internet. There, you will find many techniques which could help you in coping with your tensions.

Turning to the question of your sex life. There is no question that stress can greatly affect people's sexual function. This applies to both females and males. However, it is NOT your fault that you are stressed and that this is affecting your ability to engage sexually. Your boyfriend should NOT feel that you have ceased to desire him or care for him. Please show him this answer.

• I can't stay long

Q: I am a 19-year-old man. I partake in sexual intercourse regularly but I have an embarrassing problem. During sex, I do not last very long before I reach my climax and ejaculate. My female partner wishes for me to go faster during intercourse, but I know that if I did this, I would only climax even faster. Do you think that something is wrong with me? What can I do to last longer in pleasuring my girl?

A: Well, you actually have a very common male condition called 'premature ejaculation' or 'PE'. Presumably, you have not heard of this. But in fact, around 10 per cent of males complain of it. It is also known as 'hair-trigger' trouble. And the problem is that the guy just cannot help 'discharging' after only a small amount of sexual stimulation.

Your girlfriend wants you to 'go faster during intercourse. But you are quite right in saying that this would only make you orgasm even more quickly. I strongly urge you to talk this matter over with her carefully. It is important that she understand your problem so that she can try and help you.

Now what can be done about premature ejaculation? There are six main possibilities:

1. The 'slide' technique. This only works for very mild cases. During intercourse, the guy deliberately turns his mind to other subjects like sports or work. I cannot say that this technique is truly wonderful, but it can buy you an extra minute or two.

2. Condoms containing local anaesthetic. These are available via the Internet. The idea is that they reduce the amount of sensation which you feel in your penis. A major drawback is that you can suffer a sensitivity reaction to the local anaesthetic.

3. The Chinese brush, a traditional remedy widely available in Jamaica, is also known as 'Kwang's solution'. Painted on to the penis before sex, it is supposed to make ejaculation occur later.

4. Antidepressants. Some years ago, doctors found that well-known antidepressants such as Anafranil (clomipramine), when taken before sex, make it less easy for an orgasm to happen. Some docs are willing to prescribe these drugs. Please bear in mind that they can have side effects. Also, I advise you against buying them in bars, where they are sometimes offered as 'last-longer pills'. You don't know what you might be getting!

5. Dapoxetine. This is a fairly new drug which works in the same way as the antidepressants. It is expensive and does not always work.

6. Masters-Johnson therapy - the squeeze technique. This is really what I would advise, if you can find a therapist to teach it to you and your girlfriend. You would need her cooperation. Properly performed, it offers a complete cure in most cases.

I wish you well.

• No bad blood

Q: Doc, is it true that you have to have menses every month, in order to get rid of the bad blood?

A: No, that is just a myth. There is no such thing as 'bad blood'. Some docs, particularly in the USA, now think that it is a good idea to give women medication which actually stops periods for a year or so.

• Virgin pain

Q: Hi, Doctor. I am a 21-year-old male virgin. When I masturbate, I sometimes get pain in my organ. This happens especially if I do it more than once for the night. Doc, is there something wrong?

A: It is extremely unlikely that anything is wrong, especially as you are a virgin, and, therefore, cannot have picked up a sexually transmitted infection. I was going to add the words 'I think you should have a check-up from a doctor'. However, your email indicates that you have already seen a doc, who told you that everything is OK. I am inclined to agree with him.

• Could I get pregnant?

Q: Could a boy's sperm getting on to my clitoris make me pregnant, Doc?

A: No - not unless the fluid got inside your vagina. Sounds like you ought to be careful.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.