Doctor's Advice: Whom should I marry?

Q.  Doctor, I am 32 years old and not yet married. I have two boyfriends and, fortunately, neither of them knows about the other.

I feel that it is time that I get married and start having children, but I do not know which of these men to choose.

One thing that is obvious is that I am unable to have an orgasm whenever I have sex with one of them. But with the other, I can have multiple orgasms.

Do you think this is an indication that I should marry the second guy?

A.At the moment, you do not seem to have any firm ground for marrying either of them. You did not say you love either or that you feel that you could not live without one of them, Mr A or Mr B.

In short, it appears that you want to marry because you feel it is 'time to get married'. You also want to have children before you get much older. You also didn't say if either of these men has any desire to marry you.

As it relates to the question of sex, your ability to achieve an orgasm with one over the other could mean one of two things. First: it could indicate that you are happier and more relaxed with the one with whom you are able to have multiple orgasms. If so, that would perhaps make him a more likely candidate for marriage.

Alternatively, it could just mean that he is more skilled in bed.

But summing up, I really do not see much evidence that you should marry either of these men. Why not get out into the world and meet a lot more people? See if you can find someone whom you really love and can't bear to be without.

Somewhere in Jamaica, or even abroad, there must be the man for you.

Q.Doctor, last night I accidentally swallowed one of my wife's 'birth control' pills when I reached out in the dark for some aspirins.

Will this cause me any permanent harm?

A.No, but please do not make that mistake again. A man can get away with taking one contraceptive pill, but more than that can be risky.

I suggest that, from now on, you make sure that your wife's pills are kept in a different part of the bedroom.

Q.I have fallen in love with a wonderful man. Soon we will be having sex, but I have not had sex for 12 years, Doctor!

I think I am going to need some lubricant. But a friend has advised me that 'on no account' should I use Vaseline.

Why is that?

A.The main reason for not using Vaseline as a lubricant during sex is that it makes holes in condoms. It may also do so in other contraceptive devices such as 'Dutch caps'.

In fact, you will find far more aesthetically-pleasing sexual lubricants on the Internet. Look out for brands such as Liquid Silk and Pjur Woman.

Q. Doctor, recently I had too much to drink and, as a result, had sex with a woman I hardly know. I realised afterwards that she was in the middle of her menses.

Will that affect my health, doctor?

A. No. There is no way that a woman's menses can harm a man.

But it is, of course, very risky to have sex when you are drunk. You are likely to make very bad decisions, like going to bed with an inappropriate person, or running the risk of contracting a venereal disease or pregnancy. Please try to take more care of your health in the future.

Q. I have fallen in love with an American man via the Internet. We have never actually met face to face, but he assures me that he loves me. We have had cybersex together, and it was good.

He says that he will travel to Jamaica in June, to marry me. However, he has asked me to send him some money to cover his travel expenses.

Should I go ahead with this payment? And when he arrives, should I have sex with him, or wait until we are actually married?

A. I am afraid that this story has the word 'scam' written all over it. There have been several rather similar cases recently.

I accept that you sincerely believe that you and this man have fallen in love over the Internet even though you have not actually met him.

You say that cybersex with him is good. But let us be honest, cybersex is masturbating in front of a computer screen. And now he wants you to send him money so that he can come to Jamaica and marry you. I have to warn you that there is every chance that he will take your money - and then not turn up.

Of course, I could be wrong. But I think you would be far better off looking for a potential bridegroom in Jamaica, where you can meet prospective suitors face to face.

Q. Last month I had sex on the 19th and my period the following day. But I am wondering if I could still have become pregnant, even though I had my period the following day.

A. That is very unlikely. I do not think you should even consider it as a possibility.

Q. Good day, Doctor. I am a man who is recently divorced, after 32 years of marriage. As a result of the lack of sex, I now masturbate. Sometimes I do this three times each day.

Is this bad for my health?

A. No. Sex experts all say that it is impossible to damage your health through masturbation.

I am a little surprised that you are still masturbating so frequently at your age, but it is clear that you have a high sex drive. Perhaps you should get out more, meet people, and see if you can form a new and loving relationship.

Q. I am 38 years old and I have now developed grey hairs outside my vagina. This does not look good.

How can I get rid of them?

A. Grey hairs happen to different persons in different ways. Mostly, it affects the hairs on the scalp, but it does commonly occur in pubic hair.

Gynaecologists say that it is OK to dye those grey hairs, provided you use a very gentle product and keep it well away from the vaginal opening. Do a 'test zone' first, on an area of hair that is not close to the vulva. If you have access to an expert beautician, let her do it for you.

An alternative is to shave off the pubic hairs.

Send questions to editor@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.