When Love Breaks Your Heart

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributed

In her song Love Breaks the Heart, Vanessa Williams sings of the power of love. ' It conquers all, it changes everything. They say it's a blessing, they say it's a gift; they say it's a miracle and I believe that it is, it conquers all, but it's a mystery as love breaks your heart, takes no less than everything, makes it hard and it fades away so easily.'

Jeanettehad a serious heartbreak on Valentine's night after her lover disappointed her by not showing up for her home-cooked meal and the romantic evening she had planned as suggested by Outlook weeks before. Through Facebook, Jeanette learned of the cold facts about her lover who was out to dinner with someone else, openly displaying his affection for the well-coiffed 'blonde'. When Jeanette got the news, she took a taxi to the location only to see her lover feeding 'his lady' with chocolate ice cream. All she could say to Tommyis "your dinner has been ready!" and walked away. He rushed behind her telling her that he was still planning to be with her, just that he had to "tie up some work-related loose ends". Jeanette has been broken-hearted ever since, crying endlessly as she claimed Tommy was the only man she has ever loved. It is too early for Jeanette to say if she will still continue to love him despite the heartbreak.

Attempting suicide

However, in many instances, the heartbroken will still love that special someone. This is unrequited love where you love someone who will never love you in the same way. You keeping thinking of and dreaming about that person and though you try to get over him/her, it seems impossible. You end up doing crazy things like eating excessive amounts of ice cream or not eating and in extreme cases you may even attempt suicide.

You really need to get over your lover but what should you do? Make a clean break, just stay away and do not entertain calls or visits. If you work together, ask for a transfer to another department or location or find a new job.

Loving too much

You may be in one of the situations when you love too much to the extent that you fantasise about a wedding and a future together with children, you end up living a dream that will never become a reality. You may have invested so much in the relationship before it developed. You may have rushed the dating scene, not knowing your partner well enough before you make a commitment. Your prospective partner may dump you by breaking off because of the pressure you may bring to the relationship.

Mending the heart

Al Green sings How Do You Mend A Broken Heart and pleads for help in mending his broken heart to let him live again.

Despite what you read from the Internet or in books, it may be very difficult to mend a broken heart. Even with advice and encouragement from the 'clinical' perspective to use self-evaluation or advice from those who have been hurt before who will encourage you to hate your heartbreaker, you have to find your own coping strategies. The more optimistic will encourage you be cheerful and not worry as Mr/Mrs Right is out there for you. However, you just have to let your broken heart run its course like the flu and treat yourself well in the process.

Symptoms

What are the symptoms of heartbreak? Men may drown their sorrows in work and sports and women spend most of their time crying or talking with girlfriends. However, there are some men too who may become reclusive having lost their lover. Some women spend years in denial by voiding serious relationships for fear of getting hurt again.

In reality though, break-ups should not be painful at all because you should have an identity before this person came into your life so that a break-up should not cause you too much devastation. It means steeling your emotional self as the devastation of losing a lover is like an incurable disease.

Coping tips

1. Accept the fact that you have been dumped. The 'dumper' will also have some sorrowful moments. The best remedy is to allow time to heal and if you get involved in a range of activities, you will not feel devastated.

2. Give time and resources to someone in need. Volunteer in a soup kitchen, a hospital, a nursing home or service club. When you give to the organisation, it takes your mind off the negative emotions you are feeling.

3. Pamper yourself with a massage, manicure/pedicure, fresh flowers, or a weekend getaway to a place you have never visited.

4. Spend time with pets on which you can dote unlimited love and attention. You can sit in for friends or volunteer at a pet shop.

5. Find time to spend with friends and family so you will not feel lonely.

6. Take a class and learn something new or expand your hobby.

7. Get a makeover and have a new lease on life.

Everyone who has got over a broken heart, at one time felt that they would never get to that stage. Better yet, they often find the ability to open their hearts to love again.

Send questions/feedback to: heatherl@cwjamaica.com.