Doctor's Advice: She thought they were happily married

Q: I thought that my husband and I were very happily married. But recently he has been talking about 'putting more spice into our relationship'. I had not realised that it needed any more spice!

So the other day, I asked him what he meant. To my astonishment, he suggested that from time to time I should give oral sex to his best friend, while he watches.

To begin with, I was outraged by the idea. But, as my husband well knows, I do like his friend very much, and I feel that he is a highly attractive guy. So recently I have fantasised about the idea a few times, particularly when my man and me are having sex.

But, I do feel deep down that there is something dangerous in progressing down this path. What do you think, do?

A:Well, there are quite a few people who like watching other folk having sex. This practice is called 'voyeurism', from the French word voyeur meaning 'watcher'.

Most regrettably, some guys are hooked on the idea of watching their partners having sex with other males.

Indeed, in the last month it has emerged that an unattractive characteristic of one former United States president (now deceased), was an interest in watching his young mistress giving fleet (that is, oral sex) to one of his assistants. I have known many other people get involved in similar 'games'.

So this kind of thing is fairly widespread. But is it a good idea? Well, I say unhesitatingly 'NO!'

It is not my business to discuss morals, but from a practical point of view can I warn you about what may happen if you decide to agree to your husband's scheme. The following things will quite probably occur:

Your husband will not be satisfied with seeing you giving fleet to his friend, and soon he will want you to have FULL sex with his pal;

He will want you to progress to having sex with various other guys, while he watches;

He may well want you to watch while HE has sex with other women;

He will probably want you to progress to full 'sex orgies', in which he observes you having a variety of forms of sex with men and possibly women.

I have seen a number of couples going down this path, and they usually seem to end up in fusses, jealousy, sexual infection and divorce.

So I am advising you to tell your husband "No way". It is clear that your marriage is NOT in great shape, and I urge you to persuade him to go with you to consult an experienced marriage counsellor.

Q: Good day. I am a middle-aged man and recently I have had some difficulties with erection. So my doctor has given me Virgo.

However, there are days on which my 'equipment' works fine, so that I do not need any pills.

So my question is this. Is it OK to just take Virgo sometimes when I really need it? Or do I have to take it every time?

A: You don't have to take it every time. There are lots of men who 'function' OK on some days, but not on others. If everything seems to be going well, don't bother to take the Virgo.

But if you feel that things are not going too good, then swallow a Virgo. You should then ask your wife to wait for an hour or so. In general, the little blue tablets take around 60 minutes to work.

Q: I am female, age 31, and I have just met a wonderful new man. Only problem is, Doctor, whenever we have sex, I find blood on the sheets afterwards.

What should I do?

A:Bear in mind that there is an outside chance that the blood is coming from him. That occasionally happens.

But statistically, the great likelihood is that the blood is coming from somewhere inside you. And the most likely 'culprit' is your cervix, since that is the region that gets repeatedly 'hit' during sexual intercourse.

It is vitally important that you see a doctor right away, and have a good check-up, including a visual inspection of your cervix using the instrument called a speculum. And unless you have had a Pap smear recently, the doctor will want to do one now.

Please do not delay. Recurrent bleeding after sex is a symptom which must NOT be ignored!

Q:Doc, my penis is a satisfactory size when I have an orgasm. But once I relax, it shrinks to a very small size. That can be somewhat embarrassing at times.

What can I do?

A:You have not realised that it is normal for the penis to shrink down to tiny proportions after sex. That is how life is. There is no point in the penis being big when it is not being 'used'.

There is nothing you can do to increase the size of your non-erect organ. So please quit fretting.

Q:I am a 29 year-old married woman. Doctor, I need your advice. I have been married for nine years now, and have three children for my husband. But what I found out is that I don't love him any more!

He and I have been friends from we were small. I used to love him, but it just doesn't happen for me now.

I have met a man at my workplace, and we have become good friends. We haven't started to have sex. But I found out that I am falling in love with him.

I really want to get over this man, but I can't seem to resist him. Please give me your views.

A:Well, I foresee a great deal of unhappiness if you go ahead with a sexual or emotional relationship. There will be a lot of pain, particularly for your children.

When women are in this situation, I always say to them that they cannot 'struggle on' alone. It is imperative that you find someone to whom you can talk regularly about this difficult problem. It could be a minister of religion, or a counsellor, or a therapist, or maybe a sympathetic and experienced nurse or teacher.

But you must NOT try and carry this burden on your own. Find someone to whom you can unburden yourself. Meantime, on no account go anywhere near a bedroom with this man. Good luck.

Q:I am a 26 year-old man and I have realised that after I have orgasmed, my organ is quite tender.

Is this a serious thing? Will it cause problems in my future sex life?

A:It is not serious, and it will not cause you problems. The male nervous system is designed in such a way that after orgasm has taken place, the nerves are pretty sensitive. That is why some men do not like being touched during the first few minutes after they have climaxed. Others actually feel tender, as you do.

Therefore, you have nothing to worry about.

Send questions to:editor@gleanerjm.com and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.