On the move in Old Harbour

Standing motionless on a sidewalk in Old Harbour, St Catherine, comes with some risk. I knew this going in, so there was little point in complaining when I got bumped into by three passers-by in less than a minute.

"Small up yuhself, young bwoy!" came a booming voice. My eyes widened when I realised that heading in my direction was a woman of no less than 300lbs. She had a pretty face and was carrying five loaded plastic bags. It seemed she had been out shopping. I looked behind and beside me, trying to make room for her to pass, but it was a crowded day in the town and space was at a premium. I had to step into the roadway with the hope that I wouldn't get run over.

The woman walked by. "Nice, young bwoy. Mi need nuff space fi mi sexiness," she said. A peanut vendor standing open-mouthed nearby seemed captivated by her every move.

I hopped back on to the sidewalk only to get bumped into again. I jogged over to a spot near the large clock in the centre of the town. There I met Lydia, who walks around Old Harbour selling women's clothes. Lydia has a heart-shaped face with a nose that looks like a small pear. She seemed to be struggling under the weight of the pile of clothes she was carrying on her shoulders. I asked her if she was all right.

"Yes, man! Nuh worry bout me," she said, smiling. "Mi trang, yuh know. Mi might likkle, but mi trang."

I asked her why she didn't just pick a spot to sell her clothes from, instead of walking around with the heavy load. She dismissed the suggestion.

Have to be active

"When yuh deh one place, yuh caan get everybody," she said. "Sometime yuh siddung deh one whole day. Yuh caan meck nuh money dat way. Is back-to-school time now, so we have to be more active."

I asked Lydia if the crowd in the town that day was a sign that business was good for her.

"Nuh really, yuh know," she said. "Di people dem going about dem business. It nuh must mean dem buying anything. But at least we have more people can try get a sale from."

Nearby, a policeman holding a baton was talking animatedly with a juice vendor, and a woman stood outside what appeared to be a bakery, munching on a cupcake.

Lydia told me she had to move on since it was getting late and she had not yet made a sale that day. I wished her well and crossed the road. It was an unfortunate decision and one I regret to this day because it was across the road that I met one Fenell Green, a talkative carpenter/auto mechanic/phone-case vendor.

Now, Fennell is nothing if not persistent, so even after I told him I was not looking to buy a phone case, or anything else he was selling for that matter, he proceeded to explain to me why his phone cases were the best on the market.

"Ah genurin ledda meck dem yah, yuh know, boss," he said, holding up one of the cases to show me. "Nuff man ah sell case weh meck inna China dem one yah meck inna Hinglan."

I told him, again, that I didn't need a phone case.

"Yeah, but yuh ah go need one, so better yuh buy it now and get di real ting dan wait till later and go get one ah di idiot one dem," Fennell replied. Lucky for me, a woman walking by caught his attention. She was wearing a short black skirt and this distracted him long enough for me to slip away.

Beep!Beep! In my rush, I nearly got introduced to the business end of a Toyota Corolla, but I made it to my destination, a shady area outside a small restaurant, safely. Something inside the restaurant smelled delicious. I mentioned this to an Asian man standing at the doorway. He was dressed in white and had on a chef's hat.

"No soup!" he yelled. It appeared there was some miscommunication. I told him I didn't say anything about soup.

"No soup! You no hearing me saying?" was the man's reply.

I was getting annoyed. So was he. "Me say no soup you still ask bout soup? You no hearing well? No soup!"

I walked back across the road to chat with Fennell.

Where should Robert go next? Let him know at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com