Let's talk Life: How will a divorce affect our teens?

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

Dear Counsellor,

I am in the process of a divorce and I am concerned about its effect on my two teenagers. They are asking us for the reason for the divorce.

- Andrea

Dear Andrea,

Divorce can be challenging and its effectson children can be devastating. During this period of your life, you will need the support of a therapist. Parents are usually angry and full of conflicts. The children are afraid, fearful and traumatised. The children are used to a home with both parents and siblings. They will have difficulty in making the transition. It is helpful to take the children to a therapist. Sometimes they are drawn into the battle and are forced to take sides. Try not to do this.

Children don't want parents to separate and prefer if they are living together. During counselling they will be able to voice their concerns and identify their feelings. You will need to tell them repeatedly that you love them and it is not their fault their parents are divorcing. Tell them that mommy and daddy will not be living together, but will take care of them.

In the divorce settlement, the children need to be able to interact with both parents and siblings. Some children weather the storm quite well, while others are severely affected by the situation.

Seek help from a therapist.

Forever fat

Dear Counsellor;

I have a weight problem. I am fat and I am unable to lose weight. I cry about it and get depressed and so I eat more.

- Rose

Dear Rose,

Weight management can be challenging, but it is possible to lose weight and keep it off. First and foremost you have to put God first and put Him in charge. You will need to set goals that are realistic, measurable, and specific and can be done in the given time. For example, you can strive to lose a pound per week. Dieting goes along with exercise and increased activity.

There are psychological and behavioural issues associated with weight management. When people are depressed, they either eat a lot or very little. Food can be comforting and soothing. People eat to feel good. Some people feel deprived if they reduce their food intake.

You will need to make a log of your feelings at the times when you are eating. You will find that if you are happy, you eat and if you are angry you eat. Discuss your eating habits with you doctor or a dietitian and your emotional problems with a psychiatrist or a psychologist. People have various emotional issues that impair their eating habits.

Look at your management of stress. Do you become withdrawn, quiet and non-functional? Do you view stress as a part of life and stress management as a natural activity? People's coping strategies vary and overeating can be one of them.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.