Doctor's Advice: Miserable virgin

Q. Dear doctor, I am a female student age 16. All the girls in my class say that they are no longer virgins, and they are poking fun at me, because I am still one. This is making me miserable. Part of my mind tells me that I should just give in to some boy, so that I will be the same as my classmates. But another part of my mind is telling me to take care and to avoid sex. What do you think, Doc? Would I run any risk from just letting one boy do it, just once?

A.  Yes, you certainly would. It is clear that you are a victim of peer pressure - in other words, pressure exerted on you by the other students in your class.

What you don't realise is this, it is very common for large group, of young girls (like a school class) to pretend that they have had sex, so that they can sound grown up and sophisticated. Typically, the group then puts pressure on those who are still virgins, telling them, 'we've all done it; why don't you?'

In reality, I suspect that many of the girls in your class have not really had sex at all. What tends to happen in these situations is that female students claim to have lost their virginity, even though they haven't.

So should you give in to this rather foolish peer pressure and have sex with somebody? Definitely not!

If you do what you suggest and 'let one boy do it, just once', you will immediately be putting yourself at risk of unwanted pregnancy and of sexually transmitted infections (STI). And you will probably be increasing your chances of getting cancer of the cervix when you are older.

Also, I must tell you that the odds are that you won't enjoy it very much. Surveys have shown that a high proportion of teenage females say that their first experience of sex was short of delightful. They complain about it being uncomfortable, messy or boring.

So my advice to you is to pay your classmates no mind. Hang on to your virginity - because once you lose it, it is gone forever!

Q. I am a guy of 19 and I went to a doctor last week because my private parts were sore. He told me where I had something called balanitis. But I do not know what that is Doc. He gave me some cream named clotrimazole, and that seems to be making me better. But I would like to know what balanitis is, and what it is caused from.

A. The word balanitis simply means inflammation of the head of the penis. There are various possible causes of this inflammation, but in your age group it is often caused from a fungal infection.

I imagine that your own doctor thought that your balanitis was of fungal origin, because the cream he has prescribed for you is an anti-fungal one.

Fortunately, it appears to be working. But if the condition hasn't completely cleared up inside a fortnight, you should go and see the doctor again. Also, please do not have sex with anyone until you are completely cured.

Q. I am 22, female and single. I don't have a partner at the moment, so I get a little frustrated at times. Last week, at a local party, they were throwing free vibrators to the women who were there. I got one, and took it home. But would it be safe for me to use it, Doc, bearing in mind that it is just something that was handed out free?

A. I imagine that the vibrators, which have recently been thrown to the crowd at parties are very cheap, mass-produced ones. But this doesn't matter very much, provided that they are clean. You should definitely not use anything that you suspect might be dirty.

Also, since these things were handed out in this casual and unregulated way, it is possible that they were sub-standard or factory rejects. So check the device carefully to make sure that there are no sharp or ragged bits of plastic sticking out. It would be unfortunate if you cut yourself.

However, I am told that the main problem with cheap vibrators is that very often they just don't work, because of poor electrical connections. That might possibly turn out to be the case with yours.

Q. My girlfriend and I have been having sex together since we were 18, which was three years ago. We were hoping to get married. But now I have a powerful feeling that I would like to see what sexual intercourse is like with another female. Should I try this, without telling my fiancée ?

A. When a young man who is in a regular relationship decides that he wants to experiment with other women, then that is usually a sign that the bond between the couple is starting to break up.

No, I would not advise you to try having sex with another girl. That could lead to all kinds of problems. Instead, I feel that you should talk things over very carefully with your fiancée, discussing whether the two of you really do want to get married.

It might help if the two of you had some sessions with an experienced youth counsellor. But I must add that I do not see much future for your relationship with a girl to whom you are already keen to be unfaithful.

Q. I am in love with two different guys, one of whom lives in Kingston and the other in Spanish Town. Both are great in bed. They do not know about each other. How should I decide which of them to choose, Doc? Or should I go on seeing both of them?

A. When a woman is regularly having sex with two different boyfriends, that usually leads to trouble. The trouble could come in the shape of:

Jealousy;

Violence;

Pregnancy - probably with disputed paternity;

Sexually transmitted infection.

Frankly, you are not going to be able to keep this triangle going much longer. Something is almost bound to go wrong, especially if one of the young guys finds out about the other!

I appreciate that at the moment, you cannot make up your mind. In these circumstances, my advice to women is to stop seeing either of the males for a period of around six months. Be firm about this.

At the end of that time, you should be clearer about which of them you really love. Or you might find out that you don't love either of them.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.