Doctor's Advice - A couple who works too hard

Q. Doctor, my marriage is not going well. I love my husband, and I think he loves me. But recently, our sex life has been very poor. I guess you would call it intermittent because sometimes we don't manage to do it for weeks. This is partly because both of work incredibly hard at our jobs. The two of us work at least 12 hours a day, six days a  week.

Now, I must admit to you, Doctor, that because of the situation, I have been getting real frustrated. And there have been times when I have been reduced to pleasuring myself to relieve my tension. I only do this when my husband is out or away on business.

I feel very embarrassed about that. Will it do me any medical harm? And do you think I should tell my husband about what I have been doing?

A. The first thing that occurs to me is that you and your husband are clearly exhausted. No wonder your mutual sex life is so poor at the moment. I do not see how any married couple could keep a good sexual relationship going if they both worked 72 hours per week.

So I urge you to discuss with your spouse the possibility of cutting down drastically on those working hours. Tell him that I think that one of you could have a breakdown if you don't ease up!

You should also talk to him at length about the question of sex. Be quite frank, and say that only having intercourse every few weeks is not enough. Try to get him to agree that the two of you will plan to have some regular quality time together in which you can retire to bed. Even a couple of hours a week would be something!

Should you tell him about the masturbation? That is a tricky one. These days, a lot of guys are very turned on by the idea of women pleasuring themselves. If you don't believe me, have a look at the Internet, where you will see that female do-it-yourself activity is an extraordinarily popular subject with men.

However, I must warn you that your husband may have a more traditional or old-fashioned approach to these matters. If so, he might not be able to cope with the idea that you have brought yourself to orgasm. Therefore, I feel that you must approach this subject with great care. After all, you don't have to tell him that you have masturbated.

Finally, you ask whether this practice could have done you any harm. The answer is no. Researchers have been unable to find any medical ill-effects caused from masturbation.

Q. I am a happily married man, and have been for 12 years. But 20 years ago, while I was a very young guy working on a boat sailing between the islands of the West Indies, I caught syphilis from a girl in Trinidad. The other day, I was reading a medical book, and I suddenly realised that I might have given this terrible disease to my wife. This was a big shock to me. I would do anything to keep her from harm. What do you think, Doc?

A. If you were promptly and thoroughly treated by a doc down in Trinidad (probably with penicillin), then the odds are that you were totally cured. If so, then you have nothing to fret about, since you could not have infected your wife.

However, if you weren't properly treated that would be very serious. In that case, the syphilis germs could still be in your body. That would mean that you wife could be infected. Also, there would be a chance that the germs could have been passed to any children you may have. This would be a pretty bad situation. Anyway, let us hope that you were cured. The right thing now would be to go and see a doctor, who can examine you fully, and arrange for you to have blood tests.

From what you say, I feel it is likely that everything is OK. If by any chance you do still have any remnant of the syphilis infection, then you and your wife should both be urgently treated with penicillin. And it might be necessary to treat your children too. I wish you well.

Q. My doctor has indicated that he may prescribe some stuff called Levitra for me. This is to help with my erections. Is that the long-lasting medication that I have heard about, which works for a couple of days?

No. Levitra, also known as vardenafil, works only for a few hours. The tablet which can exert its effects on the penis for 24 hours or more is called Cialis, also known as tadalafil. If you feel you need a long-acting pill, then talk to your doc about Cialis.

Q. Doctor, I have to take a hysterectomy operation, sometime between now and Christmas. But will I still be able to enjoy sex afterwards?

A. Yes. But quite a few women report that their orgasms feel very different after a hysterectomy. However, they still enjoy having intercourse with their partners.

Q. I am a 34-year-old man, and I have been married for seven years. They talk about a seven-year itch, and I have certainly had this. While I was in New York on my own about three months ago, I had a one-night stand with a beautiful girl. Now she has emailed me, saying that she has something very important to tell me, and asking me to call her. What should I do, Doc?

Well, normally I would advise a married guy who is in your situation not to renew contact with someone whose bed they have shared for one night.

However, this young woman may genuinely have 'something important' to tell you. The main possibilities are:

• She is pregnant by you;
• She has a sex infection - and thinks you should know;
• She thinks she is in love with you.

All of these would genuinely be important matters. So in fairness to her, I feel you should make that call.