Dear doc: Why her children are behaving badly

Last month, my two children came home early from school, and caught me in bed with my lover. As you can imagine, Doctor, this was real embarrassing.

I quickly put my clothes on, and tried to calm both of them down. Unfortunately, that evening they told my husband what they had seen.

This led to a terrible fuss, during which he even threatened me with violence. But since then, he and I have talked things over several times, and matters have improved somewhat.

My husband is still talking about divorcing me. But at least we are on speaking terms now. I even tried to have sex with him one night, but he was not receptive to my advances.

Fortunately, my boyfriend has gone abroad for a month, so he is not in the picture at the moment. However, I cannot deny that I desperately want to see him when he returns to the island.

Anyway, life is a little calmer now. But the big problem, Doctor, is the behaviour of my children.

They are cold and angry towards me. And furthermore, they have both been behaving badly at school. My son has got involved in fights with other boys. And my daughter has been real rude to the teachers, and has even refused to attend some classes.

I do not know why they are behaving like this. What can I do about it?

You say that you do not know why your two children are behaving badly. But it is blindingly obvious!

When children become aware that a parent is cheating, their behaviour often becomes quite disturbed. In particular, they may get into big trouble at school, or even run away from home. This is their reaction to a situation which they do not understand.

So please try not to get mad at your son and daughter. The most important thing is to keep reassuring them that you and their father still love them. You should also stress to them that what has happened is not their fault because when a marriage goes wrong, children often think that they must somehow be responsible.

I would strongly recommend that you tell the school about the marital difficulties to which your children have been exposed. If you do this, the teachers will get some understanding of what has been going on.

You say that your lover is coming back to Jamaica in a month. I would suggest that it would be better if you do not see him until all this trouble has been sorted out, and that even if you do see him, you avoid going to bed with him. I appreciate that if you are in love with him, you may say that it is impossible to take my advice.

What are you to do about your husband? Well, I urge you go to a marriage guidance counsellor or therapist as soon as possible, and have a few good sessions with that professional. It is just possible that your marriage could still be saved. If so, that would be greatly to the benefit of your poor, bewildered children.

Is it true that there is now an injection that will give a man an erection?

Yes. The injection has actually been available for many years, but these days most guys who have lost their nature prefer to use tablets such as Viagra, Cialis or Levitra.

If you do want to use the injection, then please talk it over with your doc. But you must understand that this ISN'T a jab which is stuck into your arm. You have to put the needle into your own penis just before you have sex. A lot of men really cannot manage to inject themselves in this way. It does hurt but not for very long.

My partner and I are in our 30s, and we recently decided to have a child after making all the plans.

Our problem is that in September I thought we were successful because I missed my period.

But a few weeks later, I started having spotting. And within a couple of days, I was passing out clots. This normalised in under a week. The pain was not unbearable, but there was a feeling of emptiness in my abdomen.

Well, we've decided to try again, Doc. But how soon could we? Incidentally, my partner takes medication for high blood pressure, sinuses and allergies. I sometimes use an inhaler for asthma.

Can these medications be the reason for what happened?

Very sorry to hear about this. As I think you realise, you have had a miscarriage. You should now see a doc for an internal examination to check that everything is OK.

But what many people do not know is that miscarriage happens in one out of every five pregnancies! So it is real common.

Most of the time, it is impossible to say what the cause of the miscarriage was. Generally, we just have to put it down to bad luck.

I am sure that the medications which you and your partner are taking did not have anything to do with causing this sad event.

Now, a miscarriage is a real upsetting business for a woman. So I beg you to look after yourself and take things easy for a little while. Before very long, you should develop regular menses again. Emotionally, I think it would help you to look at this American website: www.mend.org.

It would be reasonable to start trying for a baby round about Christmas time. Very good luck to you.

I have just got married to a beautiful woman. But whenever I ask her for sex, she gets real uptight and finds it difficult to oblige. I think it pains her.

Could this be due to some abuse which (I understand) she suffered as a child?

Very definitely. Women who have been sexually abused as children or as young teenagers very often have enormous difficulties with sex when they are adults.

Frequently, they cannot enjoy it, and find it real painful.

Your best move now would be to help your wife to find a good counsellor or therapist who could help her to come to terms with the bad experiences of her past. Meantime, you must be very gentle and patient with her.

I had cancer of the cervix two years ago. I have met a marvellous new guy, and I wonder if it would now be safe for me to have sex again?

It should be fine. But I think you should first have a check-up from a doc, just to make sure that all is now well with your cervix and vagina.

I am a guy who has had kidney and bladder stones. Is there any danger that I could give them to a girl if I had sex with her?

No. There is no way that a man can 'transfer' stones to a female sex partner.