Let's talk - My daughter cuts herself for stress relief

• My daughter cuts herself for stress relief

I have discovered that my daughter is cutting her forearm. When I asked her why she does this, she said she feels stressed. Her friends are doing the same thing.

- Nicole

Dear Nicole,

Self-cutting is occurring in children and adolescents. Many are following each other while some are emotionally distressed. Some teenagers are under undue stress and say that they find temporary relief when they cut themselves. Some teenagers are having suicidal thoughts and cut their wrist in an attempt to kill themselves. You need to take her to a psychiatrist to have an evaluation done. Cutting should be taken seriously as this could be a suicide attempt.

Cutting is most common in teens and young adults, especially teen girls, and often starts around age 14 or 15. In addition to being associated with depression and anxiety, teens who cut themselves are also usually described as being impulsive. Some are also described as being overachievers. Teens who cut themselves may also be more likely to have friends who cut themselves, have low self-esteem, a history of abuse, and or thoughts of committing suicide.

Your teen may show certain behaviours if she is cutting. She may always wear long-sleeve shirts or long pants to cover new cutting marks or older scars on her arms, wrists, or thighs. She may routinely have suspicious cuts, scratches, or burns on her belly, legs, wrists or arms. She may develop symptoms of depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, or changes in her usual mood. Your teen may have trouble controlling her emotions or emotional state, for example, she doesn't know how to handle herself when she feels sad or angry.

Professional help

There are ways that parents can help. By coping with your own feelings, learning about cutting, finding professional help, and just being there to love and believe in your teen, you'll provide the calm, steady support that she needs. Let your daughter know you'll be there whenever she wants to talk.

Help your teen create a plan for what to do instead of cutting when pressures get strong. Encourage your teen to talk about everyday experiences and put feelings, needs, disappointments, successes, and opinions into words. Be there to listen, comfort, and help your teen think of solutions to problems and offer support when troubles arise.

Spend time together doing something fun and relaxing. You might take a walk, go for a drive, share a snack, or run some errands. Focus on positives. While it helps to talk about troubles, avoid dwelling on them. Make sure what's good about life gets airtime, too.

Set a good example. Be aware that you can influence how your child responds to stress and pressure by setting a good example. Notice how you manage your emotions and deal with everyday frustrations, stress, and pressure. Notice whether you tend to put others down, or are self-critical or quick to anger. Consider making changes in any patterns you wouldn't want your teen to imitate.

Be patient and hopeful. To stop cutting takes motivation and determination. It also takes self-awareness and practising new skills to manage pressures and emotional distress. These things can take time and often require professional help.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.