Doctor's Advice - She left me for a woman

Q. Doctor, I am feeling real low, and the reason is this: my wife and I have been married for 11 years, and I thought we were happy. But the amazing thing is that she has just left me for another woman. I cannot believe this. I had no idea that she had lesbian tendencies.

We have no children. Our marriage was pretty good, I would say. Occasionally, she complained that I didn't satisfy her in bed, or that I discharged too soon, and that I immediately went to sleep. But apart from that, everything was fine.

Then one evening last month, I came home and found a letter from her on the table. In it, she said that she had fallen in love with her best friend at work, who is a real attractive lady. Apparently, they had decided to run away together, heading for America to start with.

Doc, I am real bewildered by these events. Why did she do this to me? Is she really a lesbian, or is she just 'playing at it' in some way?  Most of all, I am fretting that it may all have been my fault. Could I have done something that made her into a lesbian?

Also, do you think she will come back? I don't know if she will be allowed to stay in the US, or whether either of them have visas. Is lesbianism illegal in America?

A. Well, I am sorry to hear
about all this trouble. It is probably a good thing that you have no
children with this lady because the strains on the children could be
quite severe.

And it is always real stressful for a
husband if his wife leaves him for a woman. Like you, many of these guys
start wondering if they have somehow turned their wives into
lesbians.

But that is really not possible. I would
guess that your spouse has had some lifelong lesbian tendencies. If so,
it is not all that surprising that she fell in love with a good-looking
woman at work, especially if the two of them shared many interests, and
spent a lot of time together. I doubt if she will change
now.

What you say about your sex life with your wife
does make rather sad reading. Sounds like you often left her frustrated,
and fell asleep without bringing her to orgasm.

I
suspect that that type of thing does NOT occur with her new lover.
Experts say that, in general, lesbians are very good at ensuring their
partners reach climaxes - simply because of the fact that they
understand precisely which 'love play' techniques are enjoyable for a
woman.

Frankly, I am very doubtful if your wife will
ever come back to you. I think you had better get your head round the
idea that she has gone. In the fullness of time, you had better think
about consulting a good divorce lawyer.

Finally, I
have no idea what your wife's visa status is in the US of A. But
lesbianism has been legal in all of America since a Supreme Court ruling
of 2003, so she will not run into problems with the police because of
having sex with another woman. I wish you well in
coping with what has happened. Please do NOT rush into any new
relationships! You must give yourself time to
recover.

Q. Doctor, I'm 25 years of
age and I'm very worried about the fact that I haven't succeeded in
getting pregnant. I did an internal ultrasound test, and the result was
that I have 'polycystic ovary syndrome'. I looked this
up on the Internet, and I see that it means a hormone imbalance. Could
that imbalance be corrected?

Sometimes I menstruate,
but then the next month I don't. I have been told that this condition
will make me unable to have kids. This puts me in a depressed stage
because I am engaged, and don't want to lose my
fiancé. Is there anything I can do to help my
situation?

A. Polycystic ovary
syndrome (PCOS) is extremely common. I quite often see women in
supermarkets or walking along the road who look like they have it - but
who do not know it yet.

You have been a little misled
by the Internet. Unfortunately, PCOS is rather more than a simple
'hormone imbalance'.

So what is it? Well, it is a
condition in which both ovaries develop lots of cysts - which are little
fluid-filled sacs. Why this should happen is not yet
clear.

• Common features of PCOS
  include:
• Failure to ovulate
  regularly;
• The presence of excessive amounts of male
  hormone in the body;
• Disturbance of the
  menses;
• Being overweight.
• Often
  being diabetic;
• Frequently, development of facial
  hair.

This condition is often familial, so if you ask
your female relatives, you may find that some of them have had
it.  Because of the fact that the ovaries contain many
cysts, it is often real difficult for the woman to get pregnant - and
that has clearly been the case with you. However, it is definitely NOT
impossible to conceive a child, so please don't give up
hope.

The complexity of PCOS is very great, and,
therefore, treatment can be pretty difficult. I would suggest that the
main measures you should consider are:

• Losing
  weight;
• Getting plenty of
  exercise;
• Having treatment with an anti-diabetes
  drug, if your doc agrees;
• Taking hormone treatment to
  regularise the menses.

It seems to me that at this
stage, you need further tests, and if you can afford it, I think you
should see a gynaecologist. Final point: have you told
your fiancé that you have PCOS? If not, then in fairness to him, you
should do so. I hope that the two of you will be able to have the family
you clearly desire. Good luck.

Q. I
am real mad at my husband. During the recent storm, he claimed to be
stuck at a friend's house in the country, where there were 12 people but
only six beds. He said the rain was far too heavy for anyone to
leave. As a result, he spent the night sharing a
double bed with an attractive female friend of ours! He says that they
were both fully clothed, and that nothing sexual took
place. But I am wondering if I can believe him. What
do you think, Doc?

A. Well, maybe my
career in medicine has made me a little cynical. But I do find it
slightly difficult to believe that a virile male could share a bed with
an attractive female, without something going on - even if it was only a
few kisses.

On the other hand, you have absolutely no
evidence that the two of them pulled off their clothes and had sex!
That might have been difficult when there were a lot of other people in
the house.

Crazy marital disputes of this kind often
occur when a marriage is already in a little trouble. So my advice to
you is to take your husband with you to see a good marriage
counsellor.