Is he committed?

Hi, Doc. It's my first time pregnant, and I have a little problem. I
am a 27-year-old nurse, and my boyfriend is 30 years old (soldier). Both
of us are together two years now, and he was the first person I had sex
with.

Doc, I really love him, but I am not sure if he feels the
same way about me. If I ask him, he always says he loves me. But he's
not the type of person to say it often.

Also, sometimes when I ask
him for sex, he will say to me that we can't because we are going to
church. Well, that's understandable, but I think I need more attention
from him.

We are not living together, but we spend some time together. We are not married either.

I
have met many different males that would perhaps give me the attention
that I need. But I am just hoping that one day my boyfriend and I will
get married and settle down. Please advise, Doc.

Sorry to
hear that you have been fretting, especially as you are pregnant and
have to cope with thinking about your baby. Incidentally, you will see
that I have slightly altered your personal details, so that you will not
be recognised.

This business of guys declaring their love and
saying I love you is a tricky one. Many males are very undemonstrative,
and find it embarrassing to say those famous three little words. I hope
that in the long run, your boyfriend will gradually become more open
about his feelings, and more willing to acknowledge what I hope is his
genuine love for you.

However, I am concerned about the fact that
he appears to have made no move towards marriage, or even towards living
together with you. This is slightly worrying, as it does suggest a
certain lack of commitment on his part.

Do you think he is happy
about the pregnancy? Or does he perhaps feel 'trapped' by the fact that
you are carrying his child? One thing that I think you MUST do is to
make sure that he doesn't have any other relationships. For instance, it
would be real bad if he turns out to have a wife tucked away somewhere!

You
are approaching a most important time in your life when you will give
birth. Before that happens, I feel you should ask him to give some proof
of his commitment to you - and to the baby. So please ask him if he
will come with you to a relationships counsellor. The idea of this would
be for the two of you to discuss your relationship, and to make sure
that you both agree about where it is going. Good luck.

• Did he wear a condom? Riding 'bareback' would increase the chances that he caught something.
• Was the person he went with actually a guy? If so, then we would have to consider seriously the chances of HIV infection.
• Summing up, it is certainly possible that your spouse may have an STI. So all in all, I think that you should continue to refuse to give him sex until he has been to a doc, has had a good check-up for infection, and has been given a clean bill of health.
• My advice to you is to go to the doc with him in order to make sure that the check-up has really been done! I have known cases in which men pretended to their wives that they had been to a doctor and had been told that all was well. In reality, they were kidding.
• One final thought: I don't understand why your husband has come home to Jamaica and promptly told you that he cheated on you in Florida. Most guys would have kept quiet!
• So we have to consider several possible reasons why he has decided to confess to you. These possibilities include the following:
• He genuinely has a guilty conscience, and wanted to unburden himself to you;
• He has fallen in love with the lady in Miami;
• He has some other reason for wanting to bring your marriage to an end;
• He actually has symptoms of an STI, and so felt he had better tell you the truth.

Please write to me again if you feel I can be of any further help.

I am a guy in my 30s, and recently I have been passing quite a lot of blood in my urine. Could this be some sex infection, Doc?

No. It may be just a bladder infection, often called cystitis. However, it could possibly be something more serious, such as a growth in the bladder.

So you must see a doctor urgently, taking a specimen of your urine with you.

Doctor, I am rather concerned because I have noticed that one of my testicles 'hangs' lower than the other. Could this be a sign of cancer?

No, it couldn't. In most males, one hangs slightly lower than the other. So you are quite normal. Quit fretting.