Dear Doc - Desperate for a baby

Doc, I am desperate to have a baby. But my husband is sterile. Do you think I should get pregnant by going with another guy? Or would artificial insemination be an answer?

I am 33 years old, and my husband and I have been married for 10 years. We tried for a baby between 2005 and 2009, but with no luck. So I decided I would have a lot of tests. The verdict was that I was completely normal, and perfectly capable of getting pregnant.

At that point, I persuaded my husband to have a sperm test. The result of this was that he had no sperms at all. That was a surprise, Doc, because he is a pretty virile guy, and likes to have sex three or four times for the week.

We have not discussed the matter since then. But he knows that I would love to have a child more than anything else in the world. Sometimes he hears me lying awake at night and crying.

Well, over the last couple of years, I have been thinking. Since I am fertile, I suppose it would be possible for me to get pregnant by some other male who is not sterile. In fact, I have a suitable guy in mind. He has a shop in Falmouth, and he is always real nice and friendly to me. But he does not know that I have been thinking about a plan to make him the father of my baby.

So what do you think, Doc? Would it be safe for me to arrange to have sex with this guy, and so become pregnant without anyone realising what I had done? A friend of mine says that an alternative would be artificial insemination, but I do not know how I would go about that.

Sorry, but I don't think the idea of having sex with that guy in Falmouth is a good one at all. Please remember that your husband knows that he is sterile. So what is he going to think when you suddenly announce that you are pregnant? He will instantly realise that you must have been cheating on him.

There are several other drawbacks to your plan. First, you are talking as though you would just have sex once with the shopkeeper from Falmouth. But life is not usually like that. You might have to go to bed with him many times before you conceive. That could lead to all sorts of difficulties, especially if he is married.

Also, you must consider the emotional effect that your plan would have on this poor guy. He would soon see that he had been 'used' by you in order to make a baby. Men do not usually like being employed as a sort of 'sperm factory' in this way.

Another problem with your scheme is the fact that the child might turn out to look like the Falmouth guy - and not like your husband. Your family and friends might perhaps notice this.

Now you ask me about artificial insemination. This is the procedure in which a guy's seminal fluid is injected into a woman's vagina, or sometimes into her cervix, in order to get her pregnant. It has to be done at about the time when she ovulates.

Well, artificial insemination is not illegal in Jamaica, as it is in some countries.

There is a clinic at the University of the West Indies which provides it. Alternatively, a very few women do it themselves, often using a simple apparatus, like syringe, which they buy through the Internet.

But please remember that in order to carry out insemination, you need to have some willingly given sperms! And they could be real difficult to find.

Finally, what strikes me very strongly is that you have not discussed your problem with your husband lately. I urge you to talk with him about your feelings You never know: it is even possible that he might be willing to adopt a child!

I am a 32-year-old married guy living in the Corporate Area, and I must tell you in strict confidence that I have recently acquired a girlfriend in Black River.

What is concerning me, Doc, is this. Whenever time I am with that lady, I keep losing my erection. This does not happen with my wife.

Do you think I have some kind of disease or illness?

Just what type of 'disease or illness' would make a man impotent in Black River while leaving him potent in Kingston?

The only reasonable explanation for what has been happening is that you are feeling guilty about having sex with this other lady. Guilt is notorious for making guys lose their nature.

Of course, you don't feel guilty while having sex with your wife. So when you are with her, you don't have any erectile dysfunction. Frankly, I can't help feeling that your best move would be to stop 'playing away'.

Doctor, I am an unmarried woman of 31, and don't have much experience of sex. I was checking myself out the other night, and I was horrified to find that deep inside my vagina, in fact at the far end of it, I have some kind of soft lump.

Is this cancer? I am very frightened.

Relax. I think that what you have detected is just your own cervix. It can just about be touched with the fingertip, and it feels like the tip of somebody's nose. I have quite often encountered cases in which women felt the cervix for the first time, and thought it must be some dangerous lump.

Just for your own reassurance, why not consult a doc, and get her to confirm that this 'lump' is indeed just your cervix?

I have been married to my wife for five years, Doc. Up until last month, she never used to discharge. But now she has suddenly start orgasming rather frequently.

I do not know why this has happened. Do you think it suggests that she has been cheating?

No, I do not. Research shows that a lot of women gradually learn to climax as they get a little older. When a lady has been in a good relationship for a few years, she becomes more likely to relax and let herself go in bed.

So I think you should just congratulate yourself that you are now successful in helping your wife to discharge.

I am female, age 35, and I have to have something called a 'colposcopy' at the hospital next month. But I do not know what it is, and I am frightened, Doc.

Don't be scared. A colposcopy is just an examination of your cervix, using a device which is rather like a pair of binoculars. I assure you, nothing awful will happen.

I am concerned by the fact that since I reached the age of 30, my seminal fluid has often been lumpy. Is this serious, Doc?

No. Men's sex fluid does often vary in lumpiness at different times of life.