No, I'm not Bounty Killer

By Robert Lalah

Believe it or not, I'm actually not Bounty Killer. I know what you're thinking - the resemblance is uncanny. Truth is though, that famously cantankerous, sometimes awkwardly verbose dancehall artiste and I are different people entirely.

Curiously enough, a few months ago, not everyone seemed convinced about this. It all started with what I thought at the time was a simple, misdialled phone call. It was close to three in the morning and Halle Berry was on the cusp of giving in to my persistent advances, when I was jolted from blissful sleep by my ringing cellphone. Furious over the interruption and trying hard to retain the mental image, I grabbed the phone and answered.

"Hello!" I barked, still groggy.

All I could hear was loud music. I called out again. "Who that?" Nothing. I took the phone from my ear and looked at the calling number. I didn't recognise it. I gave it one more try. "Hello!"

A gruff voice crackled on the other end. "Rodney! Wah gwan mi don?"

"Who?" I queried, getting increasingly annoyed.

"Killa, mi will shout yuh back. Mi caan hear. Too much noise!"

With that, the person hung up. Fully angry but still only half awake, I went back to bed, after putting the phone on the silent setting, of course.

Later when I got up, I looked at the phone, and saw that there had been eight missed calls from the same number while I slept. In the light of day the situation was less vexing, so I laughed it off and joked with friends that someone appeared to have called me when they meant to call Bounty Killer. I wondered out loud if any attractive groupies might soon make the same mistake.

The events of the ensuing days though, were not so funny. It seemed that somehow my number started being passed around as the best way to reach the DJ and so I started fielding calls from all manner of would-be hangers-on, yes men and gold-digging Jezebels. You will pardon the crass references, I hope. It's just that it was all a lot to bear. A fellow could go nuts from having to convince others over and over that he's not who they think he is, then feel the palpable let-down they experience when they finally believe you. It does nothing for the ego, I can tell you that.

Thankfully, that episode appears to have come to an end. I certainly spent enough time explaining to people I didn't know that I wasn't just some lackey trying to keep them from 'di boss' and that they actually had dialled the wrong number. I tell you though, I learned something from that whole affair. Being a high-level dancehall artiste is not easy. There were times I didn't feel like answering the phone and would let it go to voicemail. Some of those messages, well, I can't repeat here. Needless to say, there are a lot of people seeking to be best friends with the self-proclaimed 'Warlord' and are willing to bend over backwards, so to speak, to please him.

Respect is due

I've always had a lot of respect for Bounty Killer. I might not always like the music he releases but, just like so many others of my generation, I've also loved a lot of his work. His rise from poverty is also a fascinating story of success that should not be downplayed.

My short, mistaken stint in his shoes however, made me realise that I would never want to be like him. Constantly having people throw themselves at you, telling you how great you are, how foolish your detractors must be, begging you for things, offering to do things for you, sounds like great fun. But it gets old really quickly, I'm sure. How do you ever know who to trust? Can you tell who among the multitudes will stand by you when times get tough? I doubt it. The real trouble starts when you start buying into your own hype. That's when you've lost it altogether.

So even as 2013 rolls in like a freight train and we all strive to make it big in one way or another, I at least am able to appreciate what I already have, a little more, thanks to the DJ and his 'friends'. For this, I am eternally grateful.

Robert Lalah is assistant editor - features, and author of the popular Tuesday feature, 'Roving with Lalah'. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com.