Doctor's Advice:Should I give in to my mother's rich friend?

Q I am a virgin, and an older man has asked me to go to bed with him. I am wondering what I should do, Doc.

Let me explain my situation. I recently celebrated my 17th birthday. I am a student. I have a certain amount of experience with boys, and I must admit I like them a lot, but I have never allowed them anything more than a kiss.

Well, I have now met a rich businessman - an old friend of my mother's. He is around 35 years old, I think. He has worked in many countries, and he is pretty successful. From the start, he told me how beautiful he thought I was, which no one had ever said before. And he has showered me with nice presents like necklaces and bracelets.

On three occasions, we have been out for a drink together. My mother does not know this. Both times, he kissed me firmly at the end of the evening, and now he squeezes my breast whenever we kiss.

Yesterday, he said to me: "Now, young lady, I think it is time that I took you to bed and initiated you into sex." He told me where he is very skilled in the sack, and explained that he would make sure I had a wonderful time.

What do you think, Doc? Should I give in to him?

A This is a difficult one. I can see that this sophisticated, worldly, well-off guy seems very attractive to you, but I am very conscious of certain things:

You are only just 17;

You believe he is about 35 - but he might well be 45, or even older;

He is a friend of your mother's - and I suppose it is possible that he might even have been a boyfriend of hers in the past;

Indeed, it is just possible that he is currently in a sexual or emotional relationship with her;

He has not mentioned 'love' to you - just sex.

All in all, I believe that embarking on an affaire with him would expose you to too many dangers. The obvious ones are that you might get pregnant, or that he might give you an infection.

But there are other potential problems here. Your mother could get very upset or angry about a relationship between you and this guy, particularly if she has some emotional attachment to him herself. In my experience, situations where a mother and daughter are involved with the same guy usually lead to big trouble.

It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to raise the subject with your mother. You could tell her frankly that 'Mr X' has been showing an interest in you, and see what she says.

If she immediately replies with something like 'I guess he would make a very nice boyfriend for you,' then at least you would have her permission to carry on seeing him.

However, if she starts a fuss, then you would know that there is trouble brewing!

To be frank, I hope that you will not leap into bed with this smooth-talking guy, who must be at least twice your age. But if you do decide to go ahead, then I think you should first go on the Pill, or something similar. And please insist that he uses condoms.

Keep your zipper up!

Q Doctor, I am an 18-year-old guy, and I find myself hopelessly in love with a girl of 14. And she says she loves me. Do you think it would be OK to have sex with her?

A I am afraid not. This girl is much too young for sexual intercourse. Having sex with her would be illegal and could, therefore, get you in trouble with the police.

I do appreciate that you have warm feelings of love for this young lady, and it appears that she feels the same way about you. However, it is important to realise that loving someone does not mean that you have to have sex with them.

You see, even today, there are couples who love each other a lot but who do not actually go to bed with each other. Very often, they postpone having sex till some time in the future when it would be safe and legal to enjoy it together.

So by all means see this young girl, if her parents don't mind. But please make sure that you keep your trousers firmly zipped up.

When should I pull out?

Q Doc, I am a teenage guy with an active sex life. I recently started to try and use condoms, but there is one thing I do not know:

What is the guy supposed to do when he has discharged? I feel that when I pull out, there is a danger that the seminal fluid could spill - and get into the girl.

A You are absolutely right about this! Many young men don't know what to do at the moment of withdrawal, so they end up spilling their sperm in dangerous places.

The correct technique, as laid down by experts, is this. Almost immediately after you have orgasmed, you should put your hand down to the level of the genitals, and grip the base of the condom firmly between finger and thumb.

Then hold it on to your organ as you withdraw yourself from the lady. That prevents sperm from escaping. Only after you are some distance from her - like a couple of feet - should you take it off. Then tie a knot in it, to 'seal' it, and dispose of it carefully, perhaps on a fire.

Finally, before returning to cuddle or hug the young woman, you should wash yourself carefully so as to remove any trace of sperm. Following that routine will greatly reduce the chances of unwanted pregnancy.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.