What is wrong with my wife's breasts?

Q Doctor, could you tell me what is wrong with my wife? We have always had a strong, loving, sexual relationship. But in the last six months, she has absolutely refused to allow me to touch her breasts.

If I do touch them during sex, that immediately turns her off - and she does not want to continue. But oddly enough, she remains sexy in other ways. On nights when we just go for 'below the waist' stuff, that is fine with her. She enjoys it a lot and always has an orgasm.

I have asked her about it but she does not want to talk to me about it.

We have three children and one that died last year.

A I am sorry to hear about this problem, which seems to be threatening your marriage. The key to your wife's sexual difficulty is clearly the fact that last year, one of her children passed away.

It is always tragic to lose a child. And in the cases of a few mothers, the bereavement has the effect of altering the way they feel about their breasts and nipples. Quite often, all sexual sensation vanishes from them for some months or even years.

As I am sure you can guess, this happens because of the fact that in a woman's mind, the breasts can be very closely bound up with the idea of being a mother.

It is regrettable but understandable that your wife does not want to talk to you about all this. However, she does need to talk to someone. My suggestion is that you should try and find a friendly female counsellor or therapist with whom she could have a few sessions. I wish her (and you) well.

What is a ultrasound?

Q Doc, I have to take an ultrasound scan of my womb and ovaries next week. But what is ultrasound? And does it hurt?

A No, ultrasound does not hurt. It is just a sort of sound wave, though you cannot hear it.

The great thing about it is that it passes through most human tissues, but 'bounces back' when it hits certain organs. Therefore, it can be used to produce excellent pictures of various structures in the stomach, like the ovaries, womb and bladder. Also, in men it gives good images of the testicles.

Will marijuana smoking affect my nature?

Q Doc, would smoking marijuana cause a man to lose his nature, as I have heard?

A Marijuana has wildly differing effects on people's sex lives, with some folks reporting decreased desire, and some the reverse. Others notice no effect at all.

Around 40 years ago, there was a report stating that smoking weed reduces a man's hormone (testosterone). But this does not seem to have been confirmed. Cannabis is also said to deform sperm cells.

I have been unable to find any publications in the medical literature which prove that the drug causes impotence (erectile dysfunction). But it does have a lot of other side effects. In particular, the smoke - like all inhaled smoke - is very bad for the lungs.

Giving up on the Pill

Q I am 33, and have decided to give up on the Pill, especially as I am a smoker - which I understand increases the risk of thrombosis.

But what alternatives are there, doc?

A Well, your best move would be to give up smoking - if you can. But if you are going to continue smoking, these are the main alternatives:

The mini-Pill (or progestogen-only Pill) - contains no oestrogen, so it is safer for more mature women.

The male condom;

The female condom - now available in some pharmacies;

The cap or diaphragm;

The jab (the shot);

The IUD or coil;

The implant;

The Mirena - a hormone-loaded coil which is good for the menses;

The skin patch - though for mature women; this carries the same sort of risks as the Pill;

The vaginal ring (Nuvaring) - though this too carries Pill-type risks;

Sterilisation - as long as you are sure do not want any more children.

Cunnilingus after childbirth

Q My wife has just had a baby. Is it true that I should not give her oral sex for a while, doc?

A Yes, that is true. Cunnilingus (oral sex given to a woman) can be dangerous in the weeks after childbirth, because it can introduce air into the womb, with disastrous results.

So do not attempt this form of sexual activity until at least three months after delivery.

Eczema and sex

Q I am a male with the skin condition eczema, and it is now affecting my genitals, doc.

Is it ok to continue having sex with my girlfriend? Or would I be infectious?

A Eczema is not infectious in any way. So there is no risk at all to your partner.

But are you sure it is really eczema, presumably appearing on your penis or scrotum? Eczema doesn't often affect that part of the male body. It may be that you have the other common skin disorder called psoriasis. That isn't infectious either.

Both conditions are treatable, so you should check with a doc about getting the best therapy.

Am I pregnant?

Q Doc, while my husband was away, I made the stupid mistake of spending the evening with another man. Although we did not have intercourse, he did discharge on my stomach.

Now my menses are two days overdue. Do you think he has got me pregnant, doc?

A Well, you could of course be pregnant by your husband. So you should do a pregnancy test right away.

The practice of ejaculating on the woman's stomach is a little risky, but it doesn't often lead to pregnancy. So the probability is that you have not conceived by that other guy.

Could I recommend that you don't see him again? Next time, he is bound to want more.

Could too much sex cause prostate cancer?

Q I had a lot of sex as a young man. Will this give me cancer of the prostate later on?

A No, it won't. Strangely enough, prostatic cancer is less common in those who were sexually active as young adults. The reason for this is not clear.

My husband had a vasectomy

Q My husband has emailed me to say that he has had a vasectomy in England. Will this harm his nature, or his sexual desire for me?

A Vasectomy is pretty easy to obtain in England. I must say that I think he should have asked your opinion before he went ahead with that operation.

However, it is very unlikely to affect a man's sex drive, or to make him impotent. The one exception to this rule is the case of men who already have psychological sex problems.

For them, the vasectomy operation can bring out deep-seated fears of castration, and so cause sexual difficulties. But I am sure your husband will be ok.