Let's Talk Life - Help me deal with children

• Help me deal with children

Dear Counsellor,

I love children, but I find them challenging. I am always stressed out, and I get angry easily. I need help.

- Marion

Dear Marion,

Children are loveable but challenging. Children are children for a few years. Enjoy them while you can. You need help to look after the children. Get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful. Don't rely on your memory. Write down appointments - when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn't get mowed this weekend. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today. Whatever you want to do today, do it now.

Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate key in your wallet, apart from your key ring. Practise preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down or fall apart at the worst possible moment

Get adequate sleep. Take a break sometimes, and take care of yourself.

• Am I a worrier?

Dear Counsellor,

I tend to worry a lot and am always procrastinating. My friends and family call me a worrier. I would like some information on anxiety.

- Winsome

Dear Winsome,

Anxiety is a part of life and we all have to cope with it. We all get anxious when we plan an activity and set goals. We worry about failures and setbacks and all the possible things that can happen. We need some stress reducers to help to calm us.

Deep breathing is helpful, and we all need to practise it until it becomes natural to us. Deep breathing is helpful to calm ourselves when we get anxious.

Think up a word that you can repeat in your mind. This word will distract your mind from worry. Think of all the things that are going well for you. We are humans, so we are not perfect, so this obsession with being perfect will cause stress and burnout.

The other issue is that we are not in control, and we need to accept and work with the programme. God is in control. We need to plan and organise, but the final outcome is not up to us. Don't beat up yourself about the past and what things never work out. The past is gone; it will never return. Learn from the past and share your worry and anxiety with a therapist as you need to bury the negative thoughts.

Worry time

Some people like to worry because it gives them something to think about. Some therapists tell clients to set aside half an hour each day as worry time. When this time is up, train yourself to think only positive thoughts.

Have a diary to make time for your various activities. Plan ahead, and be prepared for any last-minute changes - as challenging as these may be.

Life is always changing, so you need people who can stick with you through thick and thin. Try to be neighbourly with people who you see daily because you never know when you might need them. Be a friend before you need a friend.

Panic affects some people and these suggestions will help also.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.