Chávez duppy dream Sista P

Carolyn Cooper, Contributor

Prapa-Prapa Spelin

Chávez dopi bierli riich evn an im disaid fi lef kom luk fi Sista P. Im a no wan a dem man we lov logzyuri. Im naa go waahn liv no ai laif op a evn, a waak pan ruod mek outa guol, an a sing an daans an plie aap, an a jrink milk an oni, an im wel nuo se nof piipl pan ort naa notn fi hiit an jrink.

An no bada taak bout patuol! Aal inna Jamieka. No, sa! Chávez a wan a di wan-an-fyuu palitishan wid kanshens. A it mek im dopi disaid fi flai dong kom taak tu Sista P. Ier we im tel ar se.

Querida Portia, mi glad fi si yu kom a mi finaral. Rispek dyuu! Bai di wie, yu fi taak tu di prezident a yu Senet. Im no redi. Mi no laik ou im dis di jostis minista. Bot dat a wan neks tuori. Yu don nuo mi lov Jamieka. Luk ou mi gi unu wan gud-gud diil pan di ail. So yu wuda a fi kom a mi fineral fi sen mi aaf inna stail. Bot so moch a unu? Wa mek yu antaraaj so big an braad, Sista P? Yu a gwaan laik se yu a wan a dem bran niem DJ. A we unu get di moni fi di uol a unu kom magl a mi finaral? Mi ongl uop a no Ouzn Chos.

LIFE AND DEBT

Beg yu tel Peter Phillips fi tek im an outa puor piipl pakit! Ouzn Chos moni a fi bil ous fi puor piipl. A no fi bil op bojit. If di bojit pap dong, Peter a fi go fain wan neks wie fi kach it op. Mi a waan unu. Wa staat bad a maanin kyaahn kom gud a iivnin. Fram unu staat nyam out Ouzn Chos moni, tingz a go go fram bad tu wos tu wosara. Wa a go apm wen it don?

Mi nuo se IMF a kwiiz unu nek. Bot a fi unu faalt. Wa mek unu gaan go rap op bak wid dem? Luk ou lang Michael Manley shuo wi se wi ha fi lef dem out! Sista P, yu neva wach Stephanie Black flim, 'Life and Debt'? Lisn mi! Wen yu ier wat Michael Manley se inna dat de flim, yu wuda nuo se Jamieka supuoz fi waak faar fram IMF.

Yu nuo di big prablem wid Jamieka? Unu ches tuu ai; an unu yai tuu big. Unu a gwaan laik se unu a wash dong wid ail laka Venezuela an Trinidad an Tobago. An iivn den. Wa mek so moch farin fuud inna suupamaakit? Wa rang wid Jamieka fuud?

Unu mout gluobal; an unu moni luokal. An it kyaahn wok, Sista P. Unu a fi wiil an kom agen. Mi naa se unu fi gu bak tu di aad life inna di sevntiz. Bot unu mos kyahn fain a wie fi liv pan di likl moni unu a mek. Yu don nuo, mi an di American dem no plaahn no gungo a lain. Bot mi a fi agrii wid Bill Clinton: "It's arithmetic." A no suo-so palitiks.

Chaka-Chaka Spelling

Chávez duppy barely reach Heaven an im decide fi lef come look fi Sista P. Im a no one a dem man weh love luxury. Im naa go waan live no high life up a heaven, a walk pon road mek outa gold, an a sing an dance an play harp, an a drink milk an honey, an im well know seh nuff people pon earth naa notn fi eat an drink.

An no bodder talk bout pothole! All inna Jamaica. No, sah! Chávez a one a di one-an-few politician wid conscience. A it mek im duppy decide fi fly down come talk to Sista P. Hear weh im tell har seh.

Querida Portia, mi glad fi see yu come a mi fineral. Rispek due! By di way, yu fi talk to di president a yu Senate. Im no ready. Mi no like how im diss di justice minister. But dat a one next story. Yu done know mi love Jamaica. Look how mi gi unu one good-good deal pon di oil. So yu woulda ha fi come a mi fineral fi send mi off inna style. But so much a unu? Weh mek yu entourage so big an broad, Sista P? Yu a gwaan like seh yu a one a dem brand-name DJ. A weh unu get di money fi di whole a unu come moggle a mi fineral? Mi ongle hope a no Housing Trust.

LIFE AND DEBT

Beg yu tell Peter Phillips fi tek im hand outa poor people pocket! Housing Trust money a fi build house fi poor people. A no fi build up Budget. If di Budget pop down, Peter ha fi go find one next way fi cotch it up. Mi a warn unu. Wa start bad a mornin kyaan come good a evening. From unu start nyam out Housing Trust money, tings a go go from bad to worse to worserer. Wa a go happen wen it done?

Mi know seh IMF a squeeze unu neck. But a fi unu fault. Weh mek unu gone go wrap up back wid dem? Look how long Michael Manley show wi seh wi ha fi lef dem out! Sista P, yu never watch Stephanie Black flim, 'Life and Debt'? Listen mi! When yu hear wat Michael Manley seh inna dat deh flim, yu woulda know seh Jamaica suppose fi walk far from IMF.

Yu know di big problem wid Jamaica? Unu chest too high; an unu yai too big. Unu a gwaan like seh unu a wash down wid oil laka Venezuela an Trinidad an Tobago. An even den. Wa mek so much farin food inna supermarket? Wa wrong wid Jamaica food?

Unu mouth global; an unu money local. An it kyaahn work, Sista P. Unu ha fi wheel an come again. Mi naa seh unu fi go back to di hard life inna di seventies. But unu must kyah find a way fi live pon di lickle money unu a mek. Yu done know, me an di American dem no plant no gungo a line. But mi ha fi agree wid Bill Clinton: "It's arithmetic." A no so-so politics.

Carolyn Cooper is a professor of literary and cultural studies at the University of the West Indies, Mona. Visit her bilingual blog at http://carolynjoycooper.wordpress.com. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.