Let's Talk Life

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

Depressed daughter

Dear Counsellor,

I have a problem with my teenage daughter. She is depressed and refuses to go with me to the therapist. What can I do?

- Katherine

Dear Katherine,

Many teenagers refuse to see a therapist because of the stigma attached to mental health problems. As an initial step in getting teens to agree to treatment, it helps to understand some of the reasons why they tend to resist in the first place.

Anything associated with therapy, or getting help for a mental health issue, may be perceived as taboo by teens. Some teens get so caught up in being rebellious that they refuse anything suggested by someone in authority. It is not necessarily a well-thought-out choice.

Many teens have a limited capacity to look at themselves honestly or realistically view how their behaviour or problems are affecting them. It is often easier for parents to see the problems than for a teen to do so. Teens may experience fears that they are crazy, that others will perceive them this way, or that they won't get better. Some teens are fearful of the prospect of having to take a deeper look at themselves or their problems.

Teens try to conceal or try to avoid addressing related problems that others don't know about such as cutting or substance abuse. If a teen doesn't want to admit to having these problems, he or she is going to try to avoid therapy at all cost. Some teens hold on to problems or drugs they have come to depend on or self-destructive behaviours that have become a habit.

If these are the best ways a teen has come up with to cope, the idea of giving them up can be frightening. Teens may feel more in control with their current coping methods than with the idea of trying something totally new and different.

Teens feel embarrassed or have a sense of shame that they have problems or a mental health disorder and are unable to deal with or manage effectively on their own. Feeling unworthy is often a barrier to getting help. This is often true for teens who suffer from depression as they struggle with feeling worthless. If a teen feels he isn't worth saving, he is going to be resistive.

With this information, you can empathise with your daughter and try and convince her to talk with a therapist. Tell her that it is okay to be in denial about her health because many people deny reality as a means of coping.

Let her know that it is confidential information that is discussed with a therapist. The therapist will only release information if she is suicidal or is being abused. We need one another because we are inter-dependent. It is okay to seek help, and you can accompany her to speak with the therapist.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.