Doctor's Advice - Lecturer wants to 'soft swap'

• Lecturer wants to 'soft swap'

Q.  I am a female university student, and I have recently started seeing a lecturer who is here on vacation from America. He wants to take me home to meet his folks, which is more than OK by me. However, he suggests that when we are in his home state, we could drop in on what he calls a 'swinging party'. I am not sure I like the sound of this. When I expressed my doubts to him, he said I had no need to fret, because 'it would only be soft swap'. I didn't know what this means, and I did not like to reveal my ignorance. What do you think, Doc?

A: I think this is a very worrying set-up. You were obviously believing that this might be heading towards a long-term relationship, or even marriage, After all, he said he was going to take you to meet his folks, which is usually an indication that a guy envisages some kind of permanent union!

But now he wants to take you to some sort of swingers' party. I assume you know what this means? It indicates that people are going there for sex, and generally with the idea of changing partners during the evening.

When you expressed doubt, he tried to allay you fears by saying that the event would only be soft swap. But you don't know what this means.

Well, it is an American term, which indicates that people at a party will change sexual partners during the evening, but will not go as far as penetrative sex. The contrasting expression is 'hard swap', which means that people will have full sexual intercourse with various persons during the evening.

Soft swap would mean that you would be expected to kiss various guys (and possibly women), and to fondle their genitals and let them fondle yours - as well as your breasts. Your new boyfriend would presumably be wandering around, doing the same sort of thing with various ladies.

Now is this a good basis for a permanent relationship, or marriage? No, it certainly is not! In fact, I very much doubt if this lecturer intends to form a serious relationship with you. It seems far more likely that he is taking you back to his home state as a sort of beautiful trophy, so that he can show you to other people, and let them sample your charms.  By now you will have gathered that I think this is a dumb plan. I suggest you tell this guy 'no way', and then discard him as possible husband material.

• Erotic dreams

Q. I am a guy of 19, and I am worrying a lot about the fact that I get erotic dreams, maybe twice for the week, doctor. In these dreams, I always reach a climax, and the result is that my sheets are soaked, because I produce so much. I have to clean it up in the morning, so that my mother does not see it. Is there something wrong with me, Doc? And will these night-time orgasms affect my health? Or my athletic fitness?

A: No, they will not affect your health. What you don't realise is that it is normal for young males to have what are called 'wet dreams'. These are nature's method of 'letting the steam out of a boiling pot'. So in a way, they are rather like the male equivalent of women's menses.

The famous Dr Alfred Kinsey showed many years ago that around 80 per cent of guys of your age have these dreams. However, I must stress that some young men do not have them.

Those nocturnal emissions, as they are termed medically, are totally non-injurious to the athletic fitness. And you shouldn't fret about the fact that you seem to be producing a lot of fluid. That is often the way with virile young guys who have high testosterone levels.  It is embarrassing for you that you are staining the sheets. But one simple remedy would be to wear a thick pair of underpants whenever you go to bed, so as to catch the emission.

• Could training stop my menses?

Q. I have been training very hard for athletics, and now my menses have stopped. Could the two things be connected, Doc?

A: Certainly. Heavy sports training commonly does stop young women's menses. However, if you have been with any guy in the last few months, it would be wise to do a pregnancy test - just in case.  If that is negative, I suggest you see a doctor. She can check you out, and see if there is any other reason for your lack of periods. She might possibly suggest that you train a little less arduously.

• Reddish lump

Q. While on a holiday in Canada, I had sex with an older lady. She was around 28. A month after I came back, I noticed a dark or reddish lump on my penis. It has now gone away. I looked on the Internet, and I saw where this could be a symptom of syphilis. That has really scared me, Doc! So do you think I have caught the dreaded disease of syphilis from that lady?

A: Well, this symptom can indeed be a sign of the sexually transmitted infection (STI) called syphilis. But Canada is not noted as a 'hotbed' of that particular disease.

Was this woman a professional lady of the night? If so, that would slightly increase the chances that you have a syphilitic infection.

Personally, I suspect that you have some other STI. But it is clear that what you must do now is to go to a doctor who can examine you and send tests to the lab, including the blood test for syphilis. Please do not panic, because I assure you that whatever is wrong with you can be cured.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the 'Outlook' magazine tomorrow.