The 'jookinest' people in the world

Daniel Thwaites, Contributor

So I was sitting at my desk trying to solve what the experts might call a 'logistical problem': if mi get one house from Dalrymple and one shop from Azan, how mi gwine get from Trelawny to Clarendon ah mawnin' time? Is not a easy road!

Then, while considering the Gleaner editorial of April 24, 2013 ('Helping young people negotiate sex'), it occurred to me that it's not an easy road for high-school children either. The newspaper's thinking on whether condoms ought to be available in schools seems generally quite practical, although it needs refinement.

There's the world of difference between making condoms available and 'distributing' them. To 'distribute' birth control willy-nilly might be mistaken as tacit endorsement for intra-school acrobatics. So I'm not for that. But to make them available seems like such obvious good sense that I'm puzzled by the naysayers. I'd like to think capable professional administrations would carefully plan, first, how they give out information about contraceptives, and second, how and where they make contraceptives available.

Unsurprisingly, this is controversial. The fear, I suppose, is that we're going to have embarrassed teachers handing out rubbers and math textbooks while instructing, "This is how to multiply; and this is how to not multiply." No need for that.

Why not saturate students with good and useful information so that they make better health choices, while making prophylactics available via guidance counsellors and nurses? Amend the antiquated laws and allow sensible public-health policy to proceed. Young people need good advice, but also good protection. Because when it's time to jook, the jookin' is on, with or without protection.

I know people feel uneasy that we're even having this debate. It seems like another instance where the country has stepped down another rung on the ladder of acceptable standards. I share that unease, and I'm not saying that it's always and everywhere a good idea to have condoms available in high schools. I don't know that. But in this Jamaica that we know and love, it sure is.

I reckon that while we continue to explore the outer limits of a society without restraint, young people shouldn't be left to fend for themselves in ignorance and without appropriate tools. There are sharks in these waters, and so swimmers need strong suits. To pretend otherwise is really dangerous.

HYPERSEXED CULTURE

I don't know who's at fault, who's responsible, or who set us on this path, but our culture relentlessly orders children to get out and 'get busy' at the nearest available opportunity.

Our hypersexualised culture is legendary. Grimacing monstrously, Beyoncé reached for the dutty wine at the last Super Bowl while sampling Sean Paul and Cutty Ranks. I've been told, by my law partner D'Arcy, that Jamaican dancehall music is the choice in stripclubs across the Northeast United States. Think that's by accident? No. We're known for this.

Let's set the background. In a spectacular report, Lexxus described the trauma of early-onset sexual activity and the jarring effect it has on previous generations:

Clock! So mi have a gal a tick-tock

Grandma come in an come ketch wi, she shock!

She cyah believe a har grandpickney dat!

We also know, from Chaka Demus this time, that "young gyal business control Jamaica", so it's not a one-time event. Granny is in constant shock. And the statisticians agree. Onset of sexual activity is 13 in males and 14 in females, so chances are your CXC student is not only busy studying. On any given no-panty Thursday, some child is assaulted by blue-movie images, while Position ("hol' up yuh head and cock up yuh battam!") pumps from the CD player. We're lucky that, on average, they wait that long.

And that's the way we live now. Every doctor, nurse, and counsellor will tell you that high-schoolers are jookin' away, and it's not stopping anytime soon. We're the most jookinest people in the world!

Just consider the commandment of Moses:

So man fi have nuff gyal and gyal inna Bungle

Gyal from Rema, gyal from Jungle

Nuff gyal and none a dem nuh fi grumble,

All ghetto yute, unnu fi tek mi example!

That's an order! Plus, it's a super-catchy tune. And be honest now, have you heard its basic argument refuted? Nor have I.

I ran an impromptu experiment with a group of Jamaican students at a prestigious United States university recently. I simply threw out a Kartel line to see if it would catch, and I didn't even have to bait it much. "Mi luv yuh worl' widout end!" Immediately, everyone came back:

Mi waan yuh fi be mi girlfriend!

Freaky-freaky girl, mi luv dem, yeh!

Freaky-freaky girl, mi luv dem!

A dancehall session coulda kick off inna de people dem place. Just so you know, our young people are not walking around humming church hymns.

I hear stories about a time when a different culture existed in Jamaica. OK. But nowadays, this is what reaches our guts, attracts our attention, gets the airplay, draws the crowds, pushes products, and generally gets the dollars spent.

QUANTITATIVE VS QUALITATIVE

Take, for instance, what is sometimes known as the 'underground' national anthem of Jamaica: Love Pun-y Bad. That title is only disputed because adherents of the Bailey school insist that it's Gimme Pun-y. It's one of those endless debates. For our purposes here, it's safe to say that both anthemic tunes carry essentially the same message, and suffer the same weakness as a thesis statement, in that both focus almost exclusively on quantity.

It was left up to Grindsman's Benz Pun-y to identify the qualitative aspect, although Shabba also spoke to the issue with Needle Eye, and Aidonia has very capably reported on the 'ukku' bit.

Most of this has been branded on the brains of our young people. It is a huge part of our common culture, our myth, and our literature. Test it. Approach any kid and say, "Gyal skin ketch ah fyah ... skin out!", and get educated. Note, though: when Konshens says, "A de treasure mi a fin' inna yuh h-", he's not talking about James Robertson's character witness (the Rolex guy) being in the commissioner's lock-up.

This isn't the place to settle whether these changes were good or bad, or both. It is what it is. But we cannot know that this is the river that the children have to navigate, and then refuse to give them a rubber raft. Aren't there enough HIV victims, heartbroken families, teenage pregnancies, abortions, blighted lives, and crushed hopes and dreams?

Daniel Thwaites is a partner of the Thwaites Law Firm in Jamaica, and Thwaites, Lundgren & D'Arcy in New York. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.