I cheated and it's killing me

Q. Doc, I am 25 years old, and I got married at the age of 19. My
husband was the one who took my virginity, and we now have three
wonderful children. I have never cheated on my husband until last
year. There was this guy I went to college with. We met again last year.
We had been friends in college and one thing led to another and we had
sex last summer.

It was just one time. In the moment, it felt
good. But we didn't even finish because it was my first time cheating
and I was so nervous. After we stopped, I felt so bad and dirty. I was
so ashamed and disgusted of myself. So we decided that it would not happen again. We have remained good friends. However,
sometimes I can't live with the guilt. I want to tell my husband, but
I'm scared he will leave - and I love him very much. I need your advice, Doc. Do you think I should tell him? And is it OK for me and the guy I committed adultery with to remain friends? I'm confused, so please help me.

Sorry to hear about this. First,
let me deal with the question of whether you should tell your husband
about your adultery. The short answer to that question is no. People who
have cheated and who regret it are often consumed by guilt and think
that everything will be better if they confess to their spouse.

Telling
your husband will distress him and make him very unhappy. He might
leave. He might get violent. I have known husbands who have killed
themselves in these circumstances.

Now, I understand your need to
get this off your chest, and you have started with telling me. I think
you should now confess it all, face to face, with a trained 'neutral'
third party. Good candidates would be a minister of religion, a
counsellor or a therapist. But do not mess up your husband's happy life by telling him about your moment of weakness.

As
it relates to your remaining friends with your former college friend,
my answer is no. There is no doubt that he may be a nice guy and you two
go a long way back, and you have had sex, even if it was just briefly.
That tends to create a psychological bond between a man and a woman.

So
staying in contact with him is rather dangerous. He may well be
thinking, 'If I play my cards right, one day I might get her clothes off
again'. Alas, many men are like that. Even if he doesn't mean to
seduce you again, there may come a time when he cannot help himself, so
it would be unwise to continue seeing him. If you want to discuss this further, feel free to email me again. I wish you well.

Q. I have a problem which I think no other man has. Doc, I cannot have sex with my wife unless I take Viagra. But I have a girlfriend in Negril, and I have no need for Viagra when I see her. Is this a psychological illness, or what?

You have not told me how old you are, but it seems that, when you are with your wife, you need Viagra to get an erection. Yet, when you are with your girlfriend, it is a case of no problem.

To be frank, that simply suggests that you find your mistress a lot more exciting than your wife. I would not regard that as a psychological illness. However, it is a rather sad commentary on the state of your marriage. Presumably, you are getting the Viagra from a doctor, and you should talk the matter over with him. I hope he will be able to recommend a good counsellor with experience in helping people with marital problems.

Q. I have an extremely irregular menstrual cycle. I also have some hair on my chin, and have to shave every morning. After eight months of trying, I have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant. Do you think I could have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)?

That does seem quite likely. PCOS causes irregular and infrequent menses, and facial hair. Unfortunately, it also causes difficulties in getting pregnant.  My advice to you is to ask your local doc to put you in touch with a gynaecologist as soon as possible. Good luck.

Q. Good day, Doc. I am a 25-year-old woman, and I am about to marry a 65-year-old man, but we have not had sex yet. When we do, is there much danger that having intercourse might kill him?

When an older man has sex, there is a very small risk of a heart attack. But these are so rare that I have never seen such a case.

Cardiologists say that it is perfectly OK for a guy of 65 to have sexual intercourse. But I hope you will try and keep your new husband fit by ensuring that he eats well, does not smoke, and exercises regularly.

Q. I have to do one of those PSA blood tests to rule out prostate cancer. A friend told me that I shouldn't have sex for three days before. Is that right, Doc?

Your friend is correct. If a man ejaculates 72 hours before a PSA test, that can increase the figures in the result - and, therefore, give false results.

Q. Each morning, I go to work smelling fresh. But at about 11:30 when I go to the bathroom to urinate, when I get back to my desk, I keep smelling my vagina for the rest of the day. Do I have an infection, Doc? I never have sex without a condom.

Well, that is very wise of you. You should continue with that policy. What you describe doesn't sound much like an infection. But I think you should visit a doctor and have some vaginal swabs sent to the lab. It is possible that you are very sensitive to your own aromas but that no one else can detect them. See what the doc says.