DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Preparing for my first time

Q. I am a 29-year-old male and I am still a virgin. But now I have decided to 'take the plunge'. What I would like to know is: Is there any chance of me catching a venereal disease when I lose my virginity?

A. It is wise that you have considered the possibility of catching a sexually transmitted virus. There are many sexually transmitted infections (STIs) around these days. So everybody should take care and avoid them.

I hope that you are not planning to have your 'first time' with a prostitute. Unfortunately, these women are likely to have some form of STI, because of the large number of partners they have. In the last year or two, the rates of infection with the 'bug' called 'chlamydia' have also increased. So, I would strongly recommend that during your first encounter, you use a condom. Please keep it on throughout intercourse. Do not put it on at the last minute before you climax. That is a mistake that many inexperienced men make.

Q. Doc, in the last few years I have found that I am losing my nature. This is a pity, because my wife and I have always had a great sexual relationship. She is a very passionate woman and I am afraid that she will get frustrated as I become more and more impotent. She is 17 years younger, which is quite an age difference.

But I have an idea. It suddenly struck me that maybe we could reach an arrangement with some virile young man who could come around once a week. He could have sex with my wife and give her all the satisfaction she wants. Then I could feel reasonably happy that she wasn't getting frustrated. I could even afford to pay him something. What do you think, Doc? From your experience, would this arrangement work? I forgot to say that my wife has given my plan a cautious welcome.

A. I am sorry to be so blunt, but in my opinion, this is a very dumb idea. In the past, I have heard of mature couples who made such an arrangement. It is very popular in some countries such as France where the sexual culture is reasonably receptive to ménage a trois.

Look, I realise that this idea of keeping your wife satisfied is very attractive to you. But the trouble with this sort of thing is that people are human beings and they have emotions. Once you establish any kind of 'threesome', people are likely to become emotionally involved.

Any of the following emotional or medical problems could occur:

• Your wife could easily fall in love with the young man;
• He could fall in love with her;
• He could give her a sexually transmitted infection;

If she is still young enough, he could get her pregnant;

• He could get very jealous of you;
• You could get jealous of him!
• If he has a girlfriend, she could cause serious trouble.

In my experience, irregular sexual relationships do often lead to the break-up of marriages, sometimes violence. So I think you should forget this idea, The first thing you can do to improve your current situation is to try and fix your 'loss of nature'.

I strongly recommend that you get a check-up from your doctor. He may be able to find some cause for your erectile dysfunction and maybe he could treat that. If he can't, then there are various things he could prescribe that may help you. They include:

• Viagra;
• Cialis;
• Levitra;
• Alprostadil penile injections;
• Muse - which is a sort of 'pellet' that you insert into the penis;
• Vacuum inflators.

Bear in mind that even when you cannot get an erection, you can always 'pleasure' your wife and give her an orgasm through simple 'love play' techniques which you will find described on the Internet.  These days, there are also vibrators which can be very useful. These have helped millions of frustrated women worldwide.

Q. I am a sexually active 31-year-old divorcée. My doctor has just told me I must stop taking the Pill, because my blood pressure is too high.  Is he correct, Doc?

A. I am sure that your doctor has given you some very good advice. When a woman gets 'pressure' on the Pill, it is usually time to switch to something else. And these days, there are many other forms of contraception.

Q. Doctor, how would I buy a female vibrator? I feel that this would help me orgasm more easily. At the moment, it is often difficult for me to.

A . Vibrators have helped a lot of women, simply because of the fact that they vibrate so fast. They go much quicker than any man's hands could.

There are now places in Jamaica where women can purchase vibrators. But to avoid embarrassment and to get a really good range of choices, I suggest you try the Internet. Just google the word 'vibrators', you will then be offered a staggering 17 million websites!  There is no need to waste your money on very expensive ones. Vibrators are essentially very simple toys, and it is quite safe to buy a cheap one.

Q. Doc, six months ago, on a business trip to New York, I cheated on my wife. I am not proud of this. But now I have a problem- I have developed several little soft, fleshy 'projections' around my bottom. Could this be a sign of VD?

A.  Well, I must say that any businessman who cheats while abroad should get a check-up and blood tests as soon as they return. And the same applies to businesswomen!

Now the little projections which you have noticed could be because of piles. They could also be a manifestation of the venereal disease syphilis, though I feel that that is unlikely.

It is, however, likely that what you have are sexually-transmitted warts, caused from a virus. If that is what they are, then I am wondering exactly what kind of sex you had in New York. Was it with a man? Anyway, you must get a doc to look at them right away.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com.