In defence of 'Jacqueline'

Is there anything easier to be mega-hypocritical about than teenage sexuality? Apparently not, as the proposal for contraceptives to be available in schools continues to attract condemnation from Old Testament greybeards (see Gleaner, May 12, 'Condoms or abstinence') who reason that since premarital sex breaks God's Commandments, then exposure to pregnancy, disease and death - however preventable - is quite fine. Yuh tek weh yuh get, as it were. The wages of sin and all that ... .

It's too bad these young people don't have the right to vote. At least then some politician would appear with the condom, and even fit it on for them - at public expense. Sadly, we're not a people given to moderation in these matters. It's either Old Testament rules or "skin out pon yuh nose and balance pon yuh back".

The Gleaner, refusing to be an outraged ostrich, has championed a more practical approach, which I wish to endorse. Teach and preach abstinence, but provide contraception in case. All the same, I suppose it's true that this approach prioritises the immediate health of adolescents over some long-term concern about their moral welfare (at least of morality as conceived by Bronze Age preachers).

It's certainly not my intention to enrage polite society by agreeing with The Gleaner. After all, there's so little of it left, and I consider myself an aspiring member. So when my column, 'The jookinest people in the world', was noticed by excellent blogger Dr Lucien Jones, I wondered if I had transgressed:

" ... Young Thwaites argues, based on his knowledge and understanding of the dancehall lyrics and the effects on the young, that our young people, in particular, are 'hypersexed'. Which really is nothing new, as other more prominent journalists including the award-winning Ian Boyne have been making the same point for years! However, his solution, like many others, does not include a call for repentance before a holy God. Does not wonder why God is taking so long to act."

As an aside, with a child going off to university, I neither feel so young, nor am I excluding myself when I speak of Jamaicans being the most jookinest people in the world! So standing as I do on such shaky ground, I avoid offering solutions of repentance and the like, leaving that to the parsons.

Even so, I wasn't completely uncritical. I acknowledge, however, that our DJs (the avatars of pop culture) are talented, clever, funny - and sometimes dangerous. I acknowledge that Frisco Kid probably saved many lives when he broadcast:

Mi want ah jook offah Jacqueline

But mi haffi draw for my rubbers, for my rubbers

Sex nice but the AIDS ting

Wi mek yuh die like flowers, die out like flowers

Two small housekeeping matters: First, Dr Jones calls me a 'journalist', which I am not. Journalists are to be objective and lay aside, insofar as they can, their personal preferences and sectional commitments. I undertake no such obligation and make no such pretence. As an opinion columnist, I don't pretend to be objective or unbiased. I recognise the obligation only to be fair-minded and, where possible, entertaining.

RESTATING THE OBVIOUS

Second, I think Dr Jones is correct that my column wasn't advancing a new view. When it's correct, I'd rather reaffirm things we already know, and sometimes even restate the obvious. So I'm satisfied to occasionally be in the fine company of a thoughtful, solid citizen like Rev Boyne.

More important, my target was public health policy. Smart public (and pubic) health policy will concern itself with the way people actually behave, rather than with how they ought to behave. What is more, I believe it should account for the fact that the young, the stupid, and the ill-informed will sometimes (often?) make poor choices. However much I remind my son about the many splendours of chastity, I'd also be worried if he didn't test that boundary. And I'd rather he came back from that front unwounded.

It's not unlike Dr Jones's work with road safety. It would be great if people completely stopped speeding, but since they won't, I believe road signs, guard rails, police enforcement, and seat belts are all fine ideas.

Incidentally, I took the opportunity to surf through Dr Jones' blog, and so should you. I rely on its satisfactorily accurate name: www.danielgodsurelywilldeliver.com.

IN DEFENCE OF THE SPANISH TOWN WINNER

I don't deny this is a charged topic. Consider how my friend George Davis (Gleaner, 'Giving in to indiscipline', April 26, 2013) is still remembering a jook in Spanish Town from 1995, which is all well and good, except that he doesn't appear to have been involved in the incident.

George recalled that a security guard had happened upon a couple in the male bathroom, and that guardie was scandalised. In George's story, the girl - let's call her 'Jacqueline' - protested that "It's all right, enuh, him have on a condom."

It struck me that George is still struggling with the lap-scootchie, whereas the participants have most likely forgotten it by now and moved on, hopefully to bigger and better things. All the same, I don't blame George entirely. I trace my regrettable teenage tobacco-smoking habit to the trauma of witnessing two homeless people bumping and grinding away on Old Hope Road back in '83 or '84. Even now I suffer, and no amount of medication or meditation seems to erase the visual.

But in defence of George's Jacqueline, she did have a point. Not everything was wrong. They oughtn't to have turned the lavatory into a bedroom, but give the couple some credit nuh! They had been careful enough to put on a condom. So there are extenuating factors, and precautionary measures were taken while dealing with exigent circumstances. This is a 'guilty with explanation' defence.

Plus, it sounds to me like Jacqueline would make an excellent attorney, for although caught in a compromising position, she quickly pointed to the strengths in her case. She also showed evidence of having got a safe-sex message. They were speeding - but at least they were wearing seat belts. There's no cause to give up on this winner.

And what about the young man? He may have been in a tight spot at the moment, but surely he stood up for himself. Perhaps George can tell us what happened to him? My guess is that nowadays he's to be found in some church preaching fire and brimstone against the availability of condoms, while eyeing Sister Jacqueline in the choir.

Daniel Thwaites is a partner of Thwaites Law Firm in Jamaica, and Thwaites, Lundgren & D'Arcy in New York. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.