Stop blaming our parents

By Jaevion Nelson

FOR SOME strange reason, it seems we have been bewitched to think that if we field enough blame on one group of people, then all our problems will be solved. Not surprisingly, those who are commonly accused of Jamaica's shortcomings are the poorest and most vulnerable among us. It's almost as if the institutions, both government and non-governmental, have no role in the social malaise that plagues the society.

Finger-pointing and name-calling to identify those with responsibility for our social, economic and political issues may comfort guilty egos, but they do not help us to find solutions. Politicians consistently pretend that the rival party is solely responsible for the poor performance of our economy and the high levels of crime and violence in the society. The Church postures as a paragon of righteousness and suggests that non-believers, including atheists and secularists, are lethal immoral weapons of mass destruction who are intent on destroying the moral fabric of the society. Parents blame schools for introducing their children to negative ideas, while schools blame parents for not doing enough outside of school hours. Evidently, we are more concerned with the symptoms of the most vexing issues than with the fundamental issue at play: inequality and resultant social and economic exclusion which disadvantages large segments of our population.

UNDER GREATER SCRUTINY

These days, parents are under even greater scrutiny. On a regular basis, parents from lower socio-economic strata, especially women who are forced to take care of their children on their own, are blamed for the social ills that we grapple with. Voices from various spheres of the society perpetuate the idea that poor parenting is one of the main reasons for the high levels of crime and violence, low literacy, teenage pregnancy, etc, without acknowledging the critical role that our Government and the various institutions of socialisation should play in ensuring that every Jamaican child grows up to fulfil their potential. If the systems that should nurture each successive generation are defective, clearly there will be no peace, stability or prosperity in the society.

How can we posit that so many of our children are now burdens to the society because of poor parenting? Does parenting happen in isolation - independent of the social and cultural mores that dictate behaviour? Are the children of parents who are socially and economically vulnerable biologically predisposed to deviant, criminal behaviour? As given wisdom goes, if you aren't the product of a procreative nuclear (married male and female) patriarchal family, then you are a potential burden to the society. This myth is prominent despite the fact that nearly 70 per cent of Jamaicans have never been married.

Most Jamaicans I know do not have a 'traditional' nuclear family. We live in a country with diverse family arrangements and it is offensive to state, whether explicitly or implicitly, that all except the nuclear family type - the ideal imposed on our foreparents during slavery - are disordered and produce 'good-fi-nutten', 'bad-bruckin' pickney. I am one of hundreds of thousands of Jamaicans who did not grow up in an 'ideal' family with a patriarchal structure of decision-making, and it didn't make me any less of person. My mother and father separated when I was about two years old and my now-estranged father migrated to England. I grew up with a loving stepfather, half sister, my uncle and grandmother. I subscribe to the idea that even in the nuclear family environment, two adults alone cannot raise a child - effective parenting requires a community - relatives, friends of parents, and supportive institutions, for example.

STEREOTYPES ARE MYTHS

Those of us who were impeded in our efforts to achieve our potential were thwarted not by our family situation, but by structural barriers in the society. The stereotypes we use to stigmatise families that are victimised by the classist economic and social order, are myths invented to validate the superior position of the most privileged Jamaicans - the direct beneficiaries of bakra-maasa's legacy. Alcoholism, drug use, parental neglect, abuse of women and children, and other behaviours we attribute to Jamaicans from the lowest economic strata, are very much present in affluent communities. Yet, in uptown circles, no one blames parents when children engage in anti-social behaviours. The 'uncontrollable' children we lock up, demonise and seek to rid the society of almost always come from households that are regarded as inferior.

Let's address the structural inequalities which have a hand in perpetuating some of our most vexing issues. We all have a role to play in developing our communities and country. We must provide families with social, educational, health and economic programmes and services so they can realise their potential and not perpetuate a certain status quo.

Jaevion Nelson is a youth development, HIV and human rights advocate. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and jaevion@gmail.com.