Ask the Donald

We've been traumatised by recent adverse analytical findings from our favourite Jamaican athletes.

Fingers are pointed everywhere. Apparently, WADA's banned-drug list isn't sufficiently specific; JADCO isn't helping the less-fortunate athletes to understand pharmacology; agents and massage therapists are introducing unknown substances into their athletes' sleeping bodies.

It's time Jamaica's starry-eyed naiveté stops. I actually heard a radio host say not every athlete is wealthy (correct), so some need help from officials to understand what supplements are safe. Puh-leeeeze! If you're competing, you MUST be prepared to know every morsel entering your system. If not, you're in the wrong business.

As the reality of the positives sink in, sycophants now complain media analysts exaggerate the problem as the substances found don't attract severe sanctions. That reminds me of the Titanic's captain, whose famous last words might well have been "There's a bit of ice up ahead." It's easy to see what's out in the open. The more uncommon ability is to see what's hidden. Or to recognise illusion.

Everybody knows what's at the root of track and field becoming more like Formula One racing where drivers are just store-window mannequins and the real competitors are car manufacturers. Athletics' true competitors are chemists. Why? You don't know? Really? Seriously? Ask Donald Trump.

Money, Money, Money, Money, MONEY!

Money, Money, Money, Money, MONEY!

Some people got to have it

Some people really need it

Listen to me, y'all, do things, do things,

do bad things with it

You wanna do things, do things, do things,

do good things with it.

During every Olympics, from our vantage point on the couch, we mock the small Muslim girl running in full burqa laps behind. Well, laugh while you may. She's one entrant about whom we can swear on a holy book is competing in the true Olympic spirit.

Much maligned while alive, legendary Olympic administrator Avery Brundage is rolling on Heaven's floor laughing. That thunder you hear as another positive test is announced is Avery growling, "I told you so."

For the love of money

people will steal from their mother.

For the love of money

people will rob their own brother.

For the love of money

people can't even walk the street

because they never know who in the

world they're gonna beat

For that lean, mean, mean, green

Almighty dollar, money ... .

There's nothing wrong with modern athletes earning big bucks. It's the hypocrisy of administrators and analysts alike pretending a clean sport involving big bucks is possible that makes my blood boil. That sport will be as clean as Wall Street. Stop burying your heads in the long jump pit.

For the love of money

people will lie, Lord, they will cheat.

For the love of money,

people don't care who they hurt or beat.

For the love of money,

a woman will sell her precious body.

For a small piece of paper it carries

a lot of weight

Call it lean, mean, mean, green

Almighty dollar.

it's chemistry, stupid!

Get this. It's impossible for a drug tester to find out everything in any particular sample tested. Chemistry provides specific tests for specific substances. Unless testers know in advance what they're testing for, dope testing is like fumbling around in the dark for an elusive brassiere strap.

So, the next argument we need to put to bed is: "But he/she has never tested positive (before), so he/she must be clean." Nonsense. Maybe he/she is clean. Or maybe he/she has expensive consultants who advise on designer drugs as yet unknown to relatively underequipped official testers.

When officials receive 'intelligence', his/her designer drug's specific test is done and, surprise, surprise, John/Mary Squeaky-Clean suddenly returns a positive test. This is usually followed by a spate of similar positives or, alternatively, sudden disappearances from competition until old drugs are flushed from systems and new ones used. It's a cat-and-mouse game that's been going on for decades and will continue.

Don't let, don't let, don't let money rule you

For the love of money

Money can change people sometimes

Don't let, don't let, don't let money fool you

Money can fool people sometimes

People! Don't let money, don't let money change you.

It will keep on changing, changing up your mind.

Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff were the driving forces behind the 1970s Philadelphia Soul Sound. For The Love of Money was a seminal work from that era which they co-wrote with Anthony Jackson. It became the signature song for recording artistes, The O'Jays.

Peace and love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.