Dear doc: Would group sex save my marriage?

Q. Doc, I would like your advice about my wife. For some time now, it seems as if she has not been happy with our sex life. I guess she gets a little bored.

Well, last week, she astonished me by saying she wants us to go to some place in Westmoreland where they have group-sex parties. I was completely stunned.

Now, I have thought it over, and I would be willing to consider it if it would help save our marriage. Do you think it would, Doc?

Also, I have to confess to you that I have a bit of a problem with premature ejaculation (PE). That has always been so. It has occurred to me that, if I went to some sort of orgy with my wife, my condition would cause some difficulties. If I tried to have sex with other women, I would reach an orgasm almost immediately. I would not be able to help it.

My mind is in a whirl, Doctor. What must I do?

A.  Look, if your wife wants you to go to some sort of swapping party, then it is clear that your marriage is already in deep trouble. Taking part in an orgy will not solve anything!

Frankly, attending a group-sex occasion is more likely to cause the final break-up of your marriage than to mend it. You would do far better to urge your wife to go with you to a counsellor who specialises in marriage guidance.

It occurs to me that maybe your wife knows someone at this upcoming party. Maybe there will be a man there who she has fallen for, and she sees this as a good chance to have sex with him. You should ask her about that.

It is likely that your PE is what has caused your wife to become bored. If you have had it all these years, it would not be surprising if she was feeling a trifle frustrated.

So if you want to keep the marriage together, you should definitely try and get some treatment for your condition by seeing a doctor very soon.

As it relates to the question of how PE would affect a man at a sex party, I can forecast that you would probably have a very embarrassing experience. I have seen several men who had PE and who thought they would attend orgies. Usually, what happens is that five minutes after they arrive, they cannot help having an orgasm. And after that, they could not really take much part in the proceedings.

Summing things up, my three-point advice to you is as follows:

1. Don't go to that sex party;

2. See a marriage counsellor;

3. Get treatment for your PE.

I wish you luck.

Q. Whenever I am having sex with my husband, he keeps whispering in my ear about sexual experiences he had before he met me.

He obviously finds this constant retelling of his conquests very erotic, but I don't. I am sick of it, Doctor!

Should I tell him how I feel?

A. You certainly should. No woman should have to put up with that from her partner.

Tell him to cease immediately. If he doesn't, then buy yourself some earplugs.

Q. My wife is about to start female hormone replacement therapy (HRT) pills. Could these have a bad effect on me as I have heard from my friends?

A. No. Many women take HRT tablets and these pills have no effect whatsoever on their partners.

I guess what you have heard from your friends is about hormone cream, which is used for treating vaginal dryness. A lot of women who are over the age of 35 apply this to the vagina. It works really well in restoring softness and moistness, but there is a small risk that their male partner can absorb it during sex. If that happens, he can temporarily develop small breasts.

Q. I am a 36-year-old woman who has been trying to get pregnant but I have had no luck. I have had irregular periods from I started seeing my cycle when I was about 14 years old. It only comes two or three times per year.

I have done a few ultrasound and other tests, but everything is normal. I really want to have a child before I get too old.

A. At the age of 36, your chances of conceiving begin to diminish.

Now, you say that tests have shown that everything is normal, but that cannot really be accurate, since it is probable that you are only ovulating around three times for the year.

What this really means is that there are only about six days per year on which you can possibly get pregnant. Your best hope is to identify those days and make sure that you have regular intercourse during that time.

Another approach would be medication that induces ovulation; however, you would need help from a gynaecologist and it's a treatment that would be quite expensive.

There is a list of gynaecologists in the Yellow Pages.

Q. I am a 32-year-old man and I have found a website that promises men a larger organ if they sign up for a course which involves hanging weights from the foreskin.

Would it be safe to do this, Doc?

A. No. Have nothing to do with crazy websites that urge you to hang weights on your penis. You may end up hurting yourself and ruining your sex life in the process.

Q. I am 31 years old and my doctor wants me to have something called an intrauterine system. What is that, Doc? How is it fitted?

A. The intrauterine system, or IUS, is another name for Mirena, which is a hormone-loaded coil.

Many women find it very helpful as a contraceptive, but it is also employed as a treatment for heavy periods, and sometimes for menstrual pain. So it is a very valuable form of therapy.

It is inserted in the same way as an ordinary coil. In other words, you lie on a couch, and the doc inserts it through your cervix and into your womb. This is a little painful when it is being inserted, but the results of IUS treatment are very good.