Doctor's Advice: He's shocked to hear she's faking it

Q. Good day, Doc. I am horrified by what my girlfriend has just told me.

We have been together for two years, and both of us are age 20. I thought we had a great sex life. Admittedly, I have never been with any other woman. I don't think she has ever been with any other guy because we were both virgins when we first met.

Well, last night we had a little argument. She lost her temper with me. And she suddenly said: 'I would like you to know that I have been faking orgasm all this time.'

Doctor, I was stunned. It seemed like a real insult. I thought I was a virile guy and a good lover. And now she says that in these last two years, I have never made her climax!

I just cannot believe it. Do you think she is lying in order to hurt my feelings?

A. That is most unlikely. What you don't realise is that many women do regularly fake orgasm. There are several reasons for them doing this:

To make the man feel better about his bedroom skills.

To excite the guy so that he climaxes.

To make themselves seem more sexually responsive than they really are.

My guess is that it is for the last of these reasons that your girlfriend has been pretending. She has probably always found it difficult or impossible to climax. Like many young women, she does not want to acknowledge this fact to anyone, so she fakes it.

You should not take this personally. You see, research has shown that a vast number of younger females simply cannot orgasm until they are well into their 20s. So there is nothing surprising about the fact that your girlfriend appears to be unable to 'make it'.

What should you do now? Well, the first thing is decide on whether the two of you want this relationship to continue. Clearly, you had a big fuss the other night. You have not told me what the argument was about, but if it was anything serious, then I think that you should immediately take steps to 'make up' with her and to restore friendly relations.

Next, you need to try and fix this sexual issue. Please talk to her about what she has told you. Tell her what I have explained to you about the difficulty that most young girls have in reaching a climax. Assure her that you don't mind the fact that she has been faking.

Next, the two of you need to address the question of helping her to achieve orgasm. Ask her if she has ever climaxed in her life. Maybe she has done it by herself, like many females of her age.

If so, then it would be useful to ask her about exactly what sort of stimulation really turns her on. You may well find that all she really needs is a certain amount of soft finger pressure on or near the clitoris.

Even if she has never climaxed, I think there is a good chance that you will eventually be able to help her to do so, but my feeling is that the two of you may need personal advice from a good youth counsellor over a period of weeks or months.

I hope that your relationship will survive, and I wish you both well.

Understanding female ejaculation

Q . I am female age 21, and I have a terrible secret that I have never told anyone. So please do not print my name.

It's this, Doc. Whenever I get sexually excited, I cannot help shooting out fluid and drenching the sheets. This has been so for as long as I can remember. It happens just at the moment of climax. I have no control over it.

At first I thought it was urine that was coming out, but now I am not so sure. It seems like it is some kind of sweet-smelling liquid.

But the point is that I feel I will never be able to go to bed with a man again. The last time I had sex with a guy, I soaked the cushion I was lying on. I thought he would be disgusted, but he just laughed and laughed. I felt I could never go out with him again, though he wanted to see me, and called me numerous times.

Please help me, Doc. Can I be cured of this terrible affliction?

A. You do not have a terrible affliction. What you are describing is the common phenomenon of 'female ejaculation'. Recent research suggests that maybe 20 per cent of women have experienced it at some time. And some females do it all their lives.

What happens is that at the moment of orgasm, the person completely loses control and cannot help producing a jet of liquid. Mostly, it is only a few teaspoonfuls, but some experts claim that 'female ejaculators can produce a cupful.

Years ago, doctors used to believe that this fluid was urine, and perhaps, in some cases, it may be. However, research has suggested that it is not from the urinary system, but from a female glandular structure which is the equivalent of the guy's prostate.

Whatever the origin of this liquid, the medical fact is that huge numbers of women cannot help producing it. It is normal for them. And there is absolutely no treatment that would stop this extrusion of fluid from happening.

But do not be despondent about that. You would doubtless be surprised to her that many males think that it is a good thing if their female partners ejaculated. Guys tend to think that if this happens, it means that the woman is real sexy. They also tend to believe that female ejaculation is a tribute to the man's sexual prowess.

So it is not too surprising that the guy wanted to see you again. You have no need to be ashamed about this phenomenon.

Could I have an STI?

Q. Doc, I am a guy of 18 and last month, I went with a group of my friends on a day trip to Kingston. While I was there, I am afraid that I succumbed to temptation and had sex with a woman. Do you think that I could have caught any sex infection?

A. Well, there has to be a substantial chance of that, especially if this lady was a prostitute, which I assume she was. The danger is less if you wore a condom.

You do not say anything about having symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection (STI), so maybe you are OK.

But unfortunately, there is one real common STI called 'chlamydia' which often causes no symptoms in the early stages. So I think you should see a doctor and have a check-up, plus a test for chlamydia.

How soon will the Pill work?

Q.  If I start taking the Pill next week, how soon will I be protected against pregnancy?

A. If you begin taking it on the first day of your menses, you will be protected immediately.