Dealing with my mom's battle with breast cancer
Published:Sunday | October 20, 2013 | 12:00 AM
Krysta Anderson, Gleaner Writer
It was Ricardo Antonio Chavira who said, "I have experienced first-hand the tremendous impact breast cancer has on the women who fight it and the loved ones who support them."
While Rima Fakih affirmed, "My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 13 and it was something we weren't really aware of as a family." With the survival rate of breast cancer among women affected increasing each year, one of the contributing factors attributed to this is the support system provided by family members.
KerishHiggins got introduced to the disease in 2007 when her mother, Marcia, got a positive diagnosis. "In 2007, Mommy was diagnosed with Stage Three breast cancer. When I first found out, I ignored it and just kept my distance because I was scared and I thought she was going to die," she tells Outlook.
According to Counselling Psychologist Olive Ellis, "A breast cancer diagnosis can be a very difficult time for a woman and can have an impact on those close to her. It can change lives and relationships with family and friends. Children can respond in different ways depending on their age, level of maturity or personality. Adolescent daughters, especially, may become scared and distance themselves initially out of fear that they, too, may develop breast cancer."
Higgins' mother was treated with chemo and radiation, and all seemed fine, or so they thought. It returned in 2012 in the liver, with the same cancer receptors as in 2007 which indicated that the breast cancer had spread. She is now at Stage Four.
Her treatments intensified and most of her veins collapsed and she now has a port on her chest to receive treatment.
Higgins' feeling towards her mother has done a complete 180°. "I felt that, since she fought it once, then with God's grace, she could do it again. I was committed to whatever I could do to help her prolong her life as long as possible."
According to Ellis, "Family and friends' response to a diagnosis of breast cancer can have both a positive or negative effect on the woman. Having family and friends around can be a good source of emotional support, as the woman will need a lot of this."
Financial problems, emotional stress, sleepless nights, watching her lose her hair, were all particularly rough for Higgins, and she took matters into her own hands, giving all the support she could, which included hosting fundraisers to help pay for her mother's treatment. "I had a couple fundraisers called 'Make it Count' but no fundraiser could fully cover the amount of debt incurred so far. With two treatments left, we continue to give God thanks."
While the disease has brought Higgins closer to her mother, Ellis notes that it can change the relationships with family and friends. The woman may become depressed or does not want anyone to 'fuss' over her, and family or friends may suddenly want to do everything for her. Although they may think that they are doing what they feel is best, this can be frustrating for the woman, especially if she is an independent person.
Marcia Higgins has experienced the very opposite in dealing with the trauma of breast cancer. The support she has received from associates, colleagues, friends, but most important, her family, has been overwhelming. She has maintained her independence, noting that if it was not for the support she has received, she would not have got this far, "I couldn't have done it without my family. Without support, you cannot make it at all," she tells Outlook.
Ellis notes that the best way to address the issue is, "The woman should try to talk to friends and family members about how she feels and may suggest things they can do that she would find supportive, while friends and family members should try to be supportive and find out how they can be of help, instead of doing what they think is best."